- 7 things mentally tough people always do (but never talk about)
- 1) They Have a Good Sense of Self
- 2) They See the Good in Everything
- 3) They See the High Level
- 4) They Know Their Why
- 6) They Take Advice From People They Want to Be
- 7) They Take Care of Themselves
- 1) The best things in life can’t be bought
- 2) Choice paralyzes us
- 3) When you stop looking for happiness, you find it
- 4) When you stop trying to find solutions, you find them
- 5) You don’t know what you have until it’s gone
- 7) What goes around comes around
- 8) The more control you want, the less you have
- 9) Fiction can change reality
- 10) We’re the same, but different
- 11) The more you sleep, the more tired you’ll be
- 12) You can only change when you accept who you are
- 14) Question what you think you know
- 15) Eat more, lose more
- 16) Improve commutes with less roads
- 17) When you stop looking for love, you find it
- 18) A watched pot never boils
- 19) Talk less, say more
- 20) Don’t cry over spilled milk
- 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do
- 7 things mentally strong people always say, according to a psychotherapist and best-selling author
7 things mentally tough people always do (but never talk about)
It seems that people who are able to “go the distance” in life are the ones who have been able to stick it out when times get tough.
While most of us are packing up our bags to move on to the next thing that might be easier, mentally strong people are sticking it out and doing their best to see things through to the end.
Here are seven things mentally tough people have in common.
1) They Have a Good Sense of Self
People who have been able to stand tall during troubling situations can do so because they know themselves well.
Understanding their limits and abilities helps them navigate tough situations better than the rest of us. They can deflect critics with ease and rest on their own beliefs to get them through the hard time.
2) They See the Good in Everything
It seems no matter what the situation, mentally strong people can see the positive in any situation.
If they lose their car keys, it means they can walk to work.
If their dog dies, it was so that they could adopt a puppy who really needed a home.
If they get fired, it was so they could start their own business.
You can’t keep resilient people down.
3) They See the High Level
Mentally strong people are ready to dig in and make things work in the long run. They have a keen ability to look at a situation and determine that despite the immediate results, the end result will be what they want.
This is why so many entrepreneurs are able to carry on after a business failure: they know that each failure gets them closer to the success.
4) They Know Their Why
People who have a strong sense of self and can lean on themselves to make things happen often understand why they are doing the things they are doing.
They don’t just look for motivation in other people, they look for it in themselves. They set goals and focus on them to make sure they get what they want in life. They remember that anything worth having is worth working for.
Mentally tough people will try something new without fully understanding how to do it. This includes everything from making a Monte Cristo sandwich to changing a tire on the side of the road.
They aren’t afraid to fail and that willingness to be uncomfortable serves them well in life.
6) They Take Advice From People They Want to Be
Mentally strong people are so self-sufficient that they rarely need to turn to others for advice or guidance. But when they do, they have a select group of people they turn to – others who have been resilient in their pursuits in life.
They only take advice from people who have been there and done that so they know they are getting the best advice possible.
7) They Take Care of Themselves
If you’ve ever heard someone say they don’t have time to exercise, they probably aren’t a resilient person. Mentally tough people know that the only way they can keep going at this energy level is to take care of themselves before anything else.
They eat right, exercise, meditate, talk to exports, learn, and grow in a variety of ways. Sitting still is only good for them when they want to take a time out to recharge; otherwise, resilient people are always moving.
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Looking for a little clarity in your life? Want to find some perspective to help you make decisions and navigate situations?
Here are 20 paradoxes that could help give you some insight into your life and your choices to help you be a better person.
1) The best things in life can’t be bought
Healthy, happiness, family, friends: you can’t put a price on these things. Stop chasing material possessions in search of happiness. Everything you need is right in front of you.
2) Choice paralyzes us
When we are faced with too many options, we’ll often choose the wrong one or make a choice just to be done with it. Make a decision and move forward.
3) When you stop looking for happiness, you find it
Sometimes everything you need to be happy is right in front of you…all you have to do is just open your eyes.
4) When you stop trying to find solutions, you find them
Stop wracking your brain and let it be with its own thoughts for a while. Before you know it, you’ll find the solution is right in front of you.
5) You don’t know what you have until it’s gone
This is true of everything in life: you favorite pair of jeans, an ice cream cone that fell on the ground, you precious granny Sue. All things have an expiry date so enjoy them while you can.
Taking on too much at once is counterproductive even for a skilled multitasker. Focus on one thing at a time and you’ll get more done in a day, week and a year.
7) What goes around comes around
You’ll get life what you put into it, so don’t sit idle and let life pass you by. Be nice to people and yourself. Otherwise, it could come back to bite you in the behind.
8) The more control you want, the less you have
Helplessness is a horrible feeling, but sometimes we have to let go of things to gain perspective on how to move forward. Stop trying to control everyone and everything.
9) Fiction can change reality
Things that aren’t real or that we can’t prove are real can bring us a great deal of joy: stories that aren’t true but make us feel good, art that has no impact on life except to provide joy, and faith. You can’t see it but you feel it.
10) We’re the same, but different
Everyone is different but everyone wants the same things: to be loved, safe, and happy. Respect how people go about getting those things in life and we’ll all be better off.
11) The more you sleep, the more tired you’ll be
Sure, this one isn’t fair but it’s true. Get up with the sun and go to bed with the birds and you’ll be happier and well rested for it.
12) You can only change when you accept who you are
When you accept yourself as you are, you are better prepared to take on the responsibilities and work associated with change. It comes from a place of love and not hate.
Fate always catches up with us. So if you owe your taxes, pay them. If you haven’t called your mom in years, call her. Don’t ignore what needs fixing.
14) Question what you think you know
The world tells us to question what we see, but not what we think we know. We can change our own minds if we question what is in them.
15) Eat more, lose more
What a concept: eat better foods with more nutrients and minerals and good for you fats, and you can lose more weight than a diet of lettuce and tomato.
16) Improve commutes with less roads
Reducing choice leads to more effective movements in life and on the road.
17) When you stop looking for love, you find it
As with most things in life, what you need is usually right in front of you. Enjoy life and love will come your way.
18) A watched pot never boils
Things take longer when you wait. Stop waiting and start living.
19) Talk less, say more
People who talk a lot usually don’t have much to say. Speak when you have something important to say.
20) Don’t cry over spilled milk
I mean, you could, but really, there’s no going back.
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13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do
~by Amy Morin, LCSW
Quick note about this article: I wrote my list of the 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do at one of my lowest points in my life. (To hear the full story, watch my TEDx talk) I published it online hoping it might help someone else. I never imagined it would go viral but it’s been read by more than 50 million people.
It also led to my book, also called 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, which turned into an international bestseller that’s translated into 30 languages. Readers of that book kept asking how to teach kids how to be mentally strong, so that led to my second book, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do.
It’s been an amazing journey.
Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life. Check out these things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become more mentally strong.
1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.
2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power
They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things , “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.
3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change
Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.
4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control
You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.
5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone
Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.
6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks
They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.
7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it. However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.
8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over
They accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.
9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success
Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.
10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure
They don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.
11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time
Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.
12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything
They don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities their own merits.
13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results
Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.
Click here for a printable version of the “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do”
7 things mentally strong people always say, according to a psychotherapist and best-selling author
I've spent much of my career talking about the bad habits mentally strong people avoid (which I identify in my book, “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do”), but it's sometimes the words people say that are the strongest indicators of strength.
Don't get me wrong, you can't always spot a mentally strong person when you see one. After all, we often have no idea what private battles someone is fighting. We can, however, learn a lot about them the words they say, and whether their behavior lines up.
Here are seven things mentally strong people always say:
Whether they're offered unsolicited advice from their in-laws or starting a self-improvement program, mentally strong people don't blindly follow advice from others.
Other people and their opinions hold no power in defining our destiny.
Instead, they think about whether the guidance offered is something they really want to incorporate into their lives.
It can be tempting to leap at any opportunity that provides more money, admiration or power. But mentally strong people aren't looking to inflate their egos.
Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.
Before taking on a new responsibility or making a major shift, they examine whether their new circumstances are truly in line with their values. They want to ensure that the way they spend their time and energy truly reflects their priorities.
Mentally strong people are willing to listen. Rather than tuning others out to form their rebuttal, they invite others to keep talking so they can better understand their views.
I'm a very strong believer in listening and learning from others.
That's not to say they don't set boundaries. They don't tolerate abuse, but they're willing to listen to respectful conversation — even when the words might sting a little.
You'll never catch a mentally strong person complaining about how hard something is going to be. Rather than wishing life were easier, they put their energy and effort into making sure they're strong enough to tackle tough challenges.
Make realistic goals, just keep reevaluating, and be consistent.
They also know how to embrace being uncomfortable. They're willing to tolerate the self-doubt, anxiety and potential failures that comes with doing hard things.
Toxic self-blame is quite detrimental, and mentally strong people don't apologize profusely for everything. They do, however, take responsibility for their behavior.
It takes a great deal of character strength to apologize quickly one's heart rather than pity.
They offer sincere apologies when they regret their actions and strive to make amends whenever possible.
Mentally strong people don't fall prey to guilt trips. They also don't yield to peer pressure and are willing to say no to things they don't want to do.
I started to say no. […] And slowly but surely, I remembered who I am.
The more things they say no to, the more time and energy they have to put toward things they want to work on. They're confident enough in their decisions to tolerate other people's displeasure.
Mentally strong people are willing to admit they don't have all the answers because they know there's always room for improvement.
Failures are things you learn from. You have to be willing to pick yourself up and go on.
When they fail or make a mistake, they acknowledge their weaknesses and stay focused on how they can improve.
Obviously, repeating these phrases alone won't help you to develop or strengthen your mental muscle.
Being mentally strong requires commitment to creating positive changes in the way you think, feel and behave. It's also important to give up the bad habits that are robbing you of mental strength.
But with dedication and practice, you can develop the strength you need to reach your greatest potential. And over time, the language you use will reflect your inner strength.
Amy Morin is a clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and psychology instructor at Northeastern University. She is also the author of the national best-sellers “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do” and “13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do.” Amy was named the “self-help guru of the moment” by The Guardian. Follow her on here.
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