- 15 Subtle Signs Your Partner Is Cheating, According to Therapists
- 23 Signs of Infidelity That Are Too Easy to Miss
- They've Password-Protected All of Their Technology
- They Accuse You of Cheating
- They Surprise You With Gifts
- Your Toiletries Are Feeling a Bit Emptier
- They're Avoiding Specific Locations
- They're Changing Their Appearance
- They Take Their Cell Phones Everywhere
- They're Suddenly On Their Phones All the Time
- They've Gotten Really Flaky
- They Regularly Go MIA
- They Don't Want You to Do Anything Nice for Them
- They Give Elaborate Stories About Their Whereabouts
- They Pick Arguments
- They're Traveling a Lot More for Work
- You Notice the Same Phone Number Crop Up On Your Bills
- They Start to Speak In the Singular
- He's About to Hit a Big Milestone
- They're Liking a Lot of Photos Posted By the Same Person
- They've Scrubbed You From Their Social Media
- They Want to Have Sex More Than Usual
- They Mention the Same Person Frequently
- You Have a Gut Feeling
- 12 Signs of Cheating
- They're reluctant to make any big joint purchases.
- They “forgot”to mention a night out.
- The phone goes everywhere with them—even the bathroom
- And, they're constantly texting.
- When you talk, they rock back and forth.
- Plus, they started slouching.
- You're getting a lot of gifts
- They're more focused on their appearance.
- They overshare.
- Or, they stop filling you in on the details all together.
- They're always on social media.
- The ATM has been getting a lot of action.
- 10 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating
15 Subtle Signs Your Partner Is Cheating, According to Therapists
Hindsight is everything when it comes to cheating. When an affair comes to light, it’s easy to realize the signs were there all along—you just missed them. But signs of cheating, whether the affair is purely physical or emotional, are often subtle.
“Since cheating is cloaked in secrecy, the person is doing their best not to arouse suspicion in their partner,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Lesli Doares, author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage. “The cheater’s goal is to not get caught and then have to deal with the consequences. They strive to make everything appear normal.”
At the same time, people tend to draw conclusions about their partner their pre-existing beliefs, says psychologist Paul Coleman, PsyD, author of Finding Peace When Your Heart Is In Pieces. So if you tend to be a trusting person, it can be easy to overlook the less-obvious signs of cheating. Keep an out for these warning signs.
1 of 15
Their schedule changes with no good explanation
Most people have pretty predictable schedules, and even if their schedule changes, there’s usually a reason that makes sense.
“Someone who must 'work late' all of a sudden at times that go beyond a reasonable explanation may be cheating,” Coleman says.
That’s especially true if this keeps happening when your partner has no new job, promotion, or project they’re working on. (Take note of these signs you're in a loveless marriage.)
2 of 15
They're suddenly unreachable
Again, a change is the big factor. If your partner has a job that makes it tough to reach them during certain hours of the day, it doesn’t mean they’re cheating.
But if you’re suddenly struggling to reach them when you could in the past, and it’s a consistent issue, that should raise a red flag. “Cheaters need privacy and blocks of uninterrupted time,” Coleman points out.
“Someone engaged in an ongoing affair must be periodically unreachable.” After all, they don’t want to risk you hearing suspicious voices or background noises.
3 of 15
They have a decrease—or increase—in libido
It’s more common for cheaters to decrease the frequency of sex at home, given that they’re getting it elsewhere, Coleman says. But sometimes they try to have sex more at home.
“Guilt-ridden people may increase lovemaking at home,” Coleman says. “Some will do so to cover their tracks.
But some may do so to satisfy a partner so that the partner will not be seeking sex at a later time when the cheater knows he or she won't be available.”
4 of 15
Their friends don't seem as friendly as they used to be
Cheaters tend to be less careful about covering their tracks in front of friends versus you. And, of course, people tend to confide in their friends. As a result, “there is a good chance your partner's friends may know what's really going on before you do,” Coleman says. Those friends may end up feeling uneasy and anxious around you because they know something you don’t.
5 of 15
Their phone habits change
This can include a range of things, changing their password or keeping their phone on them all the time when they used to leave it sitting out. “These changes are indicative of the deception that cheating always involves and therefore are strong signs of cheating,” says licensed clinical psychologist John Mayer, PhD, author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life.
Doares agrees. “Anytime someone starts to ‘hide' things, it is cause for questioning,” she says.
6 of 15
They're suddenly paying more attention to their appearance for no apparent reason
Sometimes people decide to focus on their appearance as part of a New Year’s resolution or want to lose weight for health reasons. But they’re usually pretty open about it. “The reasons and timing must make sense,” Coleman says.
If your partner is suddenly wearing cologne or spending a lot of money on new clothes, and it was never their thing in the past, it’s “not unreasonable to inquire why,” Coleman says.
If their answer doesn’t make sense, it should raise a red flag.
7 of 15
They seem to be around less than usual
Cheaters have to make time for their fling—and that time usually comes from time you once spent together.
“Also, if the affair has gone on for a while, there may be demands placed upon them by their paramour to spend more time together,” Coleman says.
Again, it’s perfectly OK and expected to ask your partner what’s going on when they’re suddenly not around as much as usual. (Find out what helps married couples stay together forever.)
8 of 15
Things don't add up with what they say and what actually happens
“This is often how cheaters get caught,” Doares says. Maybe your partner says they needed to do something that doesn’t add up, or someone they say they were with slips that they weren’t. “The truth is easy but lies are hard to keep straight,” she says. “Objective evidence supports truth but often conflicts with lies.”
9 of 15
They don't disclose details of their day anymore
People usually share intimate details of their day with their partner. But when they’re cheating, that tends to shift to the new fling, Mayer says. As a result, they end up telling you less. “When they already have someone to share this with, they might not even be aware they are no longer sharing with you,” Doares says. Here are some ways to re-build trust in a relationship.
10 of 15
They accuse you of cheating
This is a weird but common habit of cheaters—and there are a few reasons for it, Coleman says. By making your alleged behavior the issue, it puts you on the defensive and takes the focus off of them.
It can also make you less ly to speak up about things that seem off because you don’t want to upset them, given that they're already “worried” that you're cheating.
And it also gives them a reason to say they need “time away to think,” aka meet up with their lover.
11 of 15
They start giving you more gifts than usual
Of course, loving partners give gifts. But cheaters take this to the next level to cover their tracks, Coleman says. It can be a way of reassuring you that they love you and are devoted to you “so that any subtle sign of cheating the partner uncovers can be readily dismissed as something ‘they would never do,’” he says.
12 of 15
They're suddenly really critical of you
There’s something called cognitive dissonance that’s an uncomfortable state of inner anxiety and tension created when a person’s attitude about something (cheating is wrong) is the opposite of what they’re actually doing (cheating anyway), Coleman says. To try to reduce that inner tension, they may try to justify their cheating by trying to convince themselves that you’re the problem. And that can come out as being hypercritical of you nowhere.
13 of 15
The relationship issues you've had in the past don't seem to be there anymore
Every couple has some kind of issue that keeps surfacing. If it suddenly goes away, and there seems to be no reason for it, you should be concerned. “This can be a sign of cheating or just that your partner has given up trying and is looking for a way out,” Doares says. A big sign that something is off with this: The tension isn’t there anymore, but you don’t feel connected either.
14 of 15
They get defensive when you ask why certain things have changed
Relationships change and evolve, but this should be something you can talk about as a couple. “If there is an innocent explanation for why some things have changed there is no need for defensiveness,” Coleman says.
A cheater may answer a question with a question, “Why do you ask?” or “Why is that important?” because they need more time to come up with an answer they can get away with, he says.
Watch out for these signs that you're in an emotionally abusive relationship.
15 of 15
They're really on top of your schedule
It can feel a little odd when your partner keeps asking when you will and won’t be home—and it should. “The cheater needs to know the time slots when they can have the freedom and flexibility to spend time with their new romantic interest,” Mayer says. “They work hard not to get caught.”
If your partner is showing any of these signs, or things just don't feel right to you, it's perfectly acceptable to ask what's going on, Mayer says. Hopefully, there's a good explanation.
23 Signs of Infidelity That Are Too Easy to Miss
No one wants to think their spouse is cheating on them. But, according to data from the recent General Social Survey(GSS), 20 percent of men and 13 percent of women have admitted to getting intimate with someone other than their spouse, so it's not an uncommon issue to face.
If Hollywood movies are anything to go by, people who commit adultery are so sloppy and leave so many clues in their tracks that you can't possibly fathom how the spouse hasn't pieced together what's going on. But, in real life, signs of infidelity can be a lot more subtle than the classics: being emotionally withdrawn, losing interest in sex, and staying “late at the office” several times a week.
If you're reading this, you've probably already got some of your own suspicions about your significant other, and maybe some of these signs will be familiar to you.
Others, however, may be red flags you'd never even thought to consider. So read on to learn all about the surefire signs of infidelity that are way too easy to miss.
And to learn more about why people commit adultery in the first place, check out The Real Reasons Why People Cheat.
They've Password-Protected All of Their Technology
The first rule of thumb with cheating is to look out for changes in behavior.
If your spouse has always been a very private person, then the fact that they don't want to share their passwords isn't necessarily an indication of anything suspect.
But if they used to be an open book and suddenly it's harder to break into their iPhone than Fort Knox, that's a dead giveaway. And, thanks to the iCloud, it's easier to find texts that have been deleted than ever before.
They Accuse You of Cheating
It seems counterintuitive, but people who cheat will often accuse their partner of cheating as a way of projecting their own guilt onto them.
“These accusations are often a sign of self-guilt, and it also will put the blame on you, causing you to be on the defense and distracted from their actions,” Bethany Ricciardi, a sex and relationship expert, told Best Life.
“It's quite manipulative… because they get so upset during the conversation, you start to think they hate cheating and would never do it to you, when in reality they might have [done it] already.”
They Surprise You With Gifts
According to relationship expert Charlotte Rivers, “it's commonly known that gift-giving is a way to butter someone up when you're feeling guilty about something, So what could [they] be guilty of? Most ly: cheating.”
Your Toiletries Are Feeling a Bit Emptier
Generally speaking, women tend to be better at getting away with cheating than men, thanks to attention to detail.
A man might not necessarily notice that his Dove For Men body wash has been used, but a woman will definitely get a sense that something is amiss if her $40 shampoo is feeling a bit lighter than the last time she used it, or if the cap to her night cream has been unscrewed.
They're Avoiding Specific Locations
According to Laura F. Dabney, MD, a psychotherapist and marriage expert, if your spouse seems nervous or reticent to go check out a particular restaurant or other public place, it might be because they frequent the establishment with their lovers and don't want the people that work there to recognize them with someone else.
They're Changing Their Appearance
“If your partner previously cared little about her appearance but has made big changes the blue— buying new clothes or wearing makeup more often—it could indicate an effort to impress another person,” Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor and dating coach, told Best Life. Same goes for husbands who feel a sudden urge to dress better and beef up their arms.
They Take Their Cell Phones Everywhere
“It's not difficult to imagine that cell phones harbor wealth of information, including texts, videos, and e-mails,” sex therapist Dr. Damian Sendler told Best Life. “Hiding a cell phone or taking it to the bathroom or even on the shortest trip to take out trash is a red flag. It means that the partner doesn't want us to see something.”
They're Suddenly On Their Phones All the Time
“There is a thrill that comes from being secretive and trying not to get caught. Cheating can create a relationship that has excitement and risk. It can indicate a break from the monotony of the relationship with one's primary partner,” Dr.
Alisha Powell, a clinical social worker who works with couples on marriage retreats, told Best Life. So if they're suddenly texting and smiling all the time, or checking their phones for messages several times a day, that's a huge red flag.
They've Gotten Really Flaky
If they were unreliable when it comes to making plans to begin with, there's probably not much reason to worry. But if they used to show up for everything on the dot and are now suddenly constantly making last minute excuses to cancel, or reluctant to make plans in advance, it's at the very least a sign you're not a top priority anymore.
“This excuse may seem benign, but it is a red flag when someone is in a committed relationship. If it happens once or twice, it's probably not a big deal; But when it is said prematurely and way ahead of making plans for the evening, that is something worth paying attention to,” Sendler said.
They Regularly Go MIA
You can only use the classic “Sorry, babe, my phone battery died” excuse so many times.
They Don't Want You to Do Anything Nice for Them
If your spouse seems defensive or uncomfortable when you make a romantic gesture or offer to cook for them, it might be a sign that that your offer is just making them feel more guilty because they know they don't deserve it. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Carrie Krawiec, saying things “I'm a bad person,” for no apparent reason, can also be a sign they're feeling extreme guilt over infidelity.
They Give Elaborate Stories About Their Whereabouts
If you ask your spouse where they've been all day and they seem shifty and say, “Just out,” that tends to send off alarm bells. But the truth is that providing a lengthy description of their whereabouts can also signal that they've rehearsed a story and are trying to include as many details as possible to make it believable.
“When stories seem inconsistent in recapitulating events of the day, that's a red flag.
For example, someone says they were able to buy something for us in a town nearby, even though you know they wouldn't have the time to be there, that's a sign something might be on the horizon.
Another red flag is when the person seems very excited (too excited) to share some information with us, especially when we didn't ask them to justify where they've been,” Sendler said.
They Pick Arguments
Does your spouse seem more irritable lately, or yell at you for things that are pretty minor or even unreasonable? They may just be trying to offset their own feelings of guilt by making you out to appear the one causing problems. “Often someone who is cheating is feeling a lot of guilt,” Ricciardi said. “Your partner can easily take out this shame on you by making you feel bad about yourself.”
They're Traveling a Lot More for Work
If your partner has always had a job that included a lot of travel, that doesn't necessarily mean they're being unfaithful.
But the sad reality is that being away from home simply does offer more opportunities for infidelity, so if they seem to be heading to the airport even more than usual without a good reason, your suspicions are well-warranted.
For more on this, read about one woman's agonizing personal account of starting an affair on a work trip.
You Notice the Same Phone Number Crop Up On Your Bills
When it comes to catching your partner in the act, your monthly bill for their cellphone can be your new best friend. If you dig it up and see the same unknown number appear several times, especially during times when you know they weren't around you, that's a huge red flag.
They Start to Speak In the Singular
One of the hallmarks of a happy relationship is that couples use the word “we” a lot, because they see themselves as a team for life.
So if you notice your other half answering questions with “I” more than usual, especially in regards to the future, it might be an indicator that they're considering bailing.
“They might start saying things , 'I sure hope to go to Bali someday,' [or] 'I would love to buy a house in Spain'—that sort of thing,” relationship expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula told Best Life.
He's About to Hit a Big Milestone
A fascinating 2014 study that looked into the activity of people on Ashley Madison found that men were more ly to look for an extramarital affair if they were about to hit a big milestone birthday, especially one associated with a mid-life crisis, 40.
They're Liking a Lot of Photos Posted By the Same Person
Reaching out to an ex on to catch up, or spending a lot of time on someone's profile, may seem harmless in the moment, but a lot of people consider this “mico-cheating,” which experts say can erode trust and often lead to actual infidelity.
They've Scrubbed You From Their Social Media
Most people don't put up a relationship status on anymore, because it's so 2009. But it's still fairly easy to tell when someone is married, so if they remove photos that make it clear they have a partner or erase all of their social media entirely, that's not a good sign.
They Want to Have Sex More Than Usual
We know that making excuses not to have sex is a sign of infidelity. But it might surprise you to find out that cheating can sometimes reinvigorate someone's libido, or make them want to try new things to see if they can infuse their marriage with the same excitement they've found in their affair.
They Mention the Same Person Frequently
If you get jealous because your spouse seems to bring up a certain “friend,” over and over again, they're liable to say you're just being crazy and paranoid.
But the truth is that saying things , “Oh, Jessica, also loves fish,” or, “Jessica told me about this great new show we should watch,” is a pretty clear indicator that they've got a certain someone constantly on the brain.
You Have a Gut Feeling
When you suspect your spouse of cheating, it's natural to think that maybe you're just being insecure.
But there's a scientific basis for intuition, so if you've got a lingering and unshakeable sense that something in your marriage is off, chances are you're right.
And for some IRL stories of infidelity, check out these 17 Dumb Ways Men Have Been Busted Cheating.
To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to follow us on Instagram!
12 Signs of Cheating
Of course, if your partner comes home late at night reeking of another person's signature scent, it seems pretty obvious that something is amiss. But often, the signs of cheating are far more subtle.
Whether you have a fleeting concern about new behaviors or are seriously worried that your spouse could be having an affair, experts advise these signals you should watch out for.
They're reluctant to make any big joint purchases.
“Commitments buying a house or car indicate that the other person is in the relationship for the long run,” says licensed family therapist David Klow and author of You Are Not Crazy: Letters From Your Therapist. And, while it’s possible that your partner’s hesitancy is just due to financial concerns, it can also be a tip-off that they’re cheating—especially if this wasn’t an issue in the past.
“A major commitment makes it more difficult to pull a relationship quickly,” adds licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?. If your partner gets weird about this, don’t be afraid ask what’s behind the hesitation. If they get flustered, and it's not about the money, it could suggest that something isn’t right.
They “forgot” to mention a night out.
People who are cheating “tend to engage in sins of omission,” Durvasula says. “They operate on a ‘need to know’ basis, which is not healthy for a relationship.
” Although neglecting to mention that time they grabbed drinks with co-workers could be completely innocuous—maybe happy hour just wasn't that memorable—if the behavior persists, it could reflect general dishonesty, Klow says.
The phone goes everywhere with them—even the bathroom
First, a caveat: Some people are seriously hooked on their phones and tote them along habit, or boredom—that doesn’t mean they’re cheating, Klow says. The issue arises if this is suddenly a new thing for your partner.
That’s definitely more concerning, according to Durvasula. “They know that messages from the other person can come at any time,” she says, so if they've always relied on the bathroom stash of magazines to get them through their quiet time, and suddenly they're relying on their phone, it might be worth keeping an eye on.
And, they're constantly texting.
Again, a change in behavior is key here. “Our minds are wired to look for inconsistencies—it helps protect us from something unexpected happening,” Klow says.
Watch out for a behavior change.
“If your partner's actions start changing, then it might be a sign of infidelity.” It could also be that their friends are having a tough time, or they're wrapped up in work. But if it feels off to you, ask what’s going on, Klow says. The way they respond can be telling.
When you talk, they rock back and forth.
By now, you two should be pretty comfortable chatting. But when your cohort is hiding something, look for unusual (and often unconscious) habits, suggests body language expert Lillian Glass, Ph.D. “Rocking back and forth shows they are nervous around you,” she says.
Plus, they started slouching.
If their perfect posture has suddenly given way, that could be a red flag. “Hunching over is retreating into the fetal position—something people do when they feel ashamed or they know they have done something wrong,” Glass says.
You're getting a lot of gifts
Cheaters do this to “cover the stench of guilt,” Durvasula says. Take note if your partner also seems to be peppier when they’re piling on the presents. “People are sometimes in a better mood than usual when they cheat,” Durvasula says. “Their cheery countenance, coupled with a need to please and throw a partner off the tracks, can result in a generous change of behavior.”
They're more focused on their appearance.
This could mean a hairstyle change, a recent fixation with the gym, or a splurge on new clothing. Sure, this could be part of a New Year’s resolution or a desire to please you, but it’s important to know that when people cheat, they’re more aware of their looks, Durvasula says.
You asked how the office party was. They rattled off the entire guest list, all the hors d'oeuvres that were served (and when), and a minute-by-minute play of what went down. That’s TMI.
Liars talk too much.
“Liars talk too much,” Durvasula says. “When you're telling the truth, you tend to be terse because it comes easily. Cheaters will often create long tales about strange stories and places they have been that day to act as an alibi.”
Or, they stop filling you in on the details all together.
Regularly hearing that their day was “fine” when you used to get into the minutia is enough to raise an eyebrow. With cheaters, “the most interesting aspects of their day may relate to their new flirtation,” Durvasula says.
“This can be more devastating than sexual infidelity as it implies the intimacy of day-to-day life is now being shared with someone new.
” Klow also calls it “a concern” since “having an open exchange of information helps people feel more secure in their relationships.”
They're always on social media.
This is most notable when they regularly people’s posts that you've never heard of. Don’t hesitate to ask who @SexyBae007 is, and how he knows her. “Talk with your partner about the other people you each interact with,” Klow says. “Knowing this can help build a stronger sense of security.”
The ATM has been getting a lot of action.
Credit cards are easy to trace; cash isn’t, Durvasula says. If they used to obsessed with racking up rewards points and have now switched to paper, it's worth asking about.
Of course, there could always be a simple explanation for a switch in your partner's demeanor that has little to do with cheating. But if these actions feel familiar, and you have no idea why, it's time to ask the tough questions. Hopefully, there’s a good reason why they’re acting, well, shady. Either way, you have a right to know.
10 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating
Source: YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV/Shutterstock
How do you know if your partner is cheating? Usually, if you’re asking this question, you already suspect that you’re the victim of infidelity, or at the very least that something is amiss in your relationship.
The signs of cheating look different in every relationship, of course, but there are some common threads that you can look for. First and foremost, I will tell you this: If your gut tells you that your partner is cheating, it may be right.
That said, you may want to gather other evidence before you confront your significant other about their behavior. Common signs of infidelity that you might want to look for include:
1. Improved appearance. If your significant other suddenly starts exercising and eating healthier, that could be a sign that they are trying to appear more attractive to someone (possibly you, but possibly an affair partner). If Mr.
Sweatpants-Are-Just-Fine-at-a-Party starts wearing slacks with matching socks and a fashionable shirt, or Ms. I-Can’t-Help-It-If-I-Smell–Our-Son’s-Poopy-Diapers suddenly smells Chanel No. 5, that may indicate an affair.
Ditto for a new haircut and new underwear — especially if your significant other looks the same around you, but significantly better for work or certain social events.
2. Secretive phone or computer use. Cheaters tend to use their phones and computers more frequently than before and to guard them as if their lives depend on it. If your partner’s phone and laptop never required a password before, and now they do, that’s not a good sign.
If your partner suddenly starts deleting texts and clearing their browser history on a daily basis, that’s not a good sign. If your partner never relinquishes possession of their phone, even taking it into the bathroom when they shower, that’s not a good sign. If you ask to review your partner’s phone, and they say no, that’s also a problem.
Honestly, what could possibly be there — other than information about your surprise birthday — that they would want to keep secret?
3. Periods where your significant other is unreachable. If your partner is cheating on you, they are less ly to answer your calls and respond to your texts.
You may hear legitimate-sounding excuses they were in a meeting, they were driving, they were in a “dead zone” and didn’t know you were trying to get in touch.
If your partner is unreachable while working late or on a business trip, that’s a bad sign.
4. Significantly less, or more, or different sex in your relationship. Both decreased and increased levels of sexual activity in your relationship can be a sign of infidelity. Less sex occurs because your partner is focused on someone else; more sex occurs because they are trying to cover that up.
Another possible sign of cheating is that the sex you and your partner are having feels less emotionally connected. Yet another possible sign is that your partner is introducing new techniques and activities into your sex life.
As much as you might enjoy that, it’s possible that they are learning new tricks outside of your relationship.
5. Your partner is hostile toward you and your relationship. Cheaters tend to rationalize their behavior (in their own minds). One way they do this is to push the blame onto you.
They tell themselves that you don’t look the way you did when they married you, or you’re not adventurous enough in the bedroom, or you don’t appreciate all the wonderful things they do for you, so they deserve to have a little fun elsewhere. Often, their internal justifications for cheating leak out, and they behave judgmentally toward you and your relationship.
If it suddenly seems nothing you do is right, or that things that used to not bother your partner suddenly do, or as if you’re getting pushed away, that could be a strong indication of cheating.
6. An altered schedule. When your significant other — who never once worked late — suddenly needs to work late, and that starts to happen more and more frequently, they may be lying.
If your spouse has never been away on a business trip and suddenly finds a need to travel for work, that could be a sign that they are having weekend getaways with an affair partner.
Flat tires, dead batteries, traffic jams, spending extra time at the gym, and similar excuses for being late or absent altogether might also signal infidelity. A cheating partner might also suddenly be forgetful about picking up the kids, birthdays and other important events, etc.
7. Friends seem uncomfortable around you. With infidelity, you, the betrayed partner, are nearly always the last person to find out.
The cheater’s friends often know about the infidelity right from the start, and your own friends are ly to find out long before you do. This knowledge typically causes these individuals to feel uncomfortable around you. The cheater’s friends might try to avoid you or to be overly nice to you.
Your own friends may try to avoid conversations about your relationship, and they might overcompensate by being extra nice.
8. Unexplained expenses. If there are odd charges on your partner’s credit cards, or there is suddenly less money in your or your partner’s bank accounts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, etc., that’s a possible sign of infidelity.
If you ask your partner about these expenses, and their answers seem untrue, it’s ly that they are untrue. Infidelity costs money: gifts, trips, wine and dinners, hotel rooms, etc. The costs of cheating can add up very quickly.
If you see large cash withdrawals or evidence of purchases from places you rarely or never frequent, that’s not a good sign.
9. Emotional intimacy has faded. After a few years, no relationship is as intense as it was in the first few months. That said, we do tend to bond and to securely attach over time, learning to trust one another with our secrets, our desires, and other important aspects of our lives. That process is known as building emotional intimacy.
And emotional intimacy is what keeps us bonded to our significant other long after the bloom is off the rose, so to speak. So, if your partner suddenly seems less emotionally vulnerable and intimate with you and does not seem to want you to be emotionally vulnerable and intimate, that’s a strong indication that their focus has shifted — most ly to an affair partner.
Source: Olena Yakobchuk/Shutterstock
10. When you ask about cheating, your partner deflects and avoids. If your spouse is cheating on you, the absolute last thing in the world that they want to do is talk about it with you. So when you introduce this topic in conversation, they may try to deflect and avoid.
In short, your partner will do everything possible to steer you onto another topic, or they will shift blame for what you’re thinking and feeling onto you.
If you’ve confronted your partner about infidelity and been rebuffed, maybe with a message , “If you trusted me a little more, maybe things would be better between us,” you should not let that override your gut sense that something is wrong in your relationship.
Nor should you automatically accept your partner’s assertion that you are at fault. As stated earlier, if your gut tells you that your significant other is cheating on you, you’re probably right.
Please note: Your significant other could display all 10 of these signs and still not be cheating. But these remain indications that something is wrong in their life and/or your relationship. It might not be cheating, but there is almost certainly something that you and your significant other to talk about.
At the same time, your mate could be exhibiting none of these ten signs and still be cheating. Either way, the good news is that learning about infidelity does not automatically signal the end of your relationship.
It simply means your partner has a lot of work to do if they want to restore relationship trust, make things right, and re-establish emotional and sexual intimacy.
If you learn that your partner has cheated on you, I strongly suggest that you not sit alone with that information. If you don’t feel comfortable confronting your partner, talk to a trusted friend, your pastor, or a therapist.
Just don’t sit there alone with your fears and feelings. Reach out and find empathetic support.
For in-depth information about healing after infidelity, I suggest reading Esther Perel’s book, The State of Affairs, and my own book, the Doghouse.