- This Is Why Men Start To Pull Away When You Want Them The Most
- Why Do We Do This?
- You Can’t Force Love
- Love doesn’t have to be that hard, Everything You Need To Know If You Want Love That Lasts by Sabrina Alexis is available here
- This post originally appeared at A New Mode
- Why men pull away: 10 reasons they start to fade away
- What does it mean when someone pulls away?
- 10 reasons men pull away
- 1. The relationship is too easy
- 2. He can feel himself changing
- 4. He wants his independence
- 6. He’s overwhelmed with his feelings
- 7. He leaves before he gets hurt
- 8. There’s too much going on
- 9. He’s just not that into you
- 10. He’s got other options
- 1. Retrace your steps
- 2. Just ask him
- 3. Reassure him
- 4. Accept it
- The Real Reasons Men Pull Away When They Are Falling In Love
- Why Do Guys Pull Away When Things Start To Get Serious?
- Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
- Why Men Pull Away When They’re Falling In Love
- What Should You Do If He’s Growing Distant From You?
- Give Him The Space He Needs To Work Through It On His Own
- Watch The Video: Why Do Men Pull Away When They Are Falling In Love (The Real Reason)
- Why Men Pull Away: Top 3 Reasons
- 1. He’s Stressed
- 3. He’s Having Doubts About the Relationship
- These Are the Top 3 Reasons Why Men Pull Away:
This Is Why Men Start To Pull Away When You Want Them The Most
Twenty20 / NickBulanovv
Here is a situation many girls have experienced. You meet a guy and feel the proverbial spark. Numbers are exchanged, flirty texting ensues, and eventually you go on a date…and it’s amazing!
The chemistry is strong, you connect, you have fun. You go out again and it’s another ace in the hole. Now you start to get really excited…could this be it? Maybe you hang out a few more times, but then something changes.
Either you notice that he starts to pull away and seems less engaged (commonly known as “the fade away”), or he just vanishes (a phenomenon known as “ghosting”). You feel completely blindsided and shell shocked.
What went wrong? Here is why this situation is so confusing for most girls.
When a girl loses interest in a guy after a few dates, she can usually pinpoint the reason. Maybe he was too desperate, not intellectually stimulating, too quiet, too loud, too boring, too boisterous–she usually knows exactly what it is that turned her off and can give a reason as to why she doesn’t want to continue dating him if asked.
It’s not always this for guys. A guy can go on a few amazing dates with a girl and find himself suddenly and inexplicably put off by her. Whereas he was previously texting her throughout the day and feeling a strong desire to see her…he now has no desire to contact her whatsoever.
This can be as baffling for guys as it is for girls. When asked, many guys will say they don’t know why they were suddenly turned off…they just were.
So why does this happen? Is it really the blue without cause or provocation? No, there is a reason. The reason it’s so hard to pinpoint and articulate is because it’s extremely subtle.
During the first few dates with a new guy, your vibe is typically pretty laid-back and easygoing. You want to explore the possibilities with him and see what he’s all about. It starts out light and fun, it’s about connecting and enjoying each other’s company.
After a few great dates with a seemingly great guy, most women can’t help but get excited about the possibilities. They think of where the relationship might go and they start to invest in a fantasy future.
When this happens, you are no longer in the here and now, seeing the situation for what it is. Instead, your mind is focusing on what it could be and that’s when it becomes a problem.
You become attached to this fantasy future and then you can’t help but stress over it and worry about losing it (even though it’s not something you ever really had!). Then your fears and insecurities rise to the surface and seep into your interactions with him.
You begin interacting with the thoughts in your head rather than with the person in front of you. Rather than trying to learn who he is and what he’s about, you look at his behavior and the things he says as a means to measure how he feels about you… and whether you’re getting closer or further away from your goal of having a relationship with him.
Most guys can intuitively sense when a woman is reacting to them as an object rather than a person, when she is using him as a means to fill a void within herself.
Guys typically don’t operate this way in relationships and he can’t fully understand what happened to turn this seemingly happy, cool girl into an unpleasant, emotionally-reactive, reassurance-seeking mess.
Why Do We Do This?
All anyone really wants is to feel OK, and most of us don’t. When a woman worries and needs constant reassurance, it comes from feeling from “I am not OK” and the feeling beneath that is fear. What makes it so destructive is that it’s not an overwhelming, gripping fear; it’s a vague feeling of unease.
It’s so quiet and subtle you may not even realize it’s there. You know how sometimes you’ll go to take a sip of water and you literally can’t stop chugging? You didn’t even realize you were thirsty, it’s only when you begin to quench the silent thirst that you realize how potent it was.
That’s kind of what’s at play here.
It’s tough for someone to nail down to source of feeling not OK, but they unconsciously latch onto things that will get rid of this feeling, usually through reassurance or trying to make situations come about that they feel will make them happy and finally grant them relief. This inevitably impacts your vibe, you become a parasite of sorts and everyone you come into contact with is simply a means to an end.
When you meet a guy who makes you feel OK, your need for that feeling becomes overwhelming and you latch on forcefully. You may not even realize you’re doing it; it’s not something you express outright. But it’s there and it comes across, even in the slightest ways. It changes your vibe and your energy and guys feel this.
At this point, instead of him feeling he’s connecting with you, he feels you’re trying to get something him. Maybe it’s reassurance or validation, or maybe just more of the feeling of being OK.
Guys don’t know exactly what it is, but suddenly their instincts are telling them to get away. This usually occurs at the point where the woman could no longer keep the act up.
Maybe she’s trying to appear cool and go-with-the-flow, but in her mind she’s already thinking of ways to turn a relationship that’s really nothing at this point into something.
From that point forward, it’s not easygoing and natural, it’s her measuring if she is getting closer or further from her goal.
Everyone recognizes when someone has an agenda, it’s just something our intuition picks up on and it immediately puts us off. Think about how you feel when someone approaches you and tries to sell something. Your first instinct is typically to get far away from them. It doesn’t matter how nice and friendly they are, you can’t trust them because you know they want something you.
That’s the switch guys feel. It’s the shift from things being easy to fun to agenda-driven.
When the woman feels she’s getting closer to her goal, she’s happy and elated. When something happens that makes her feel she is moving further away, she is gripped by that, “My world is falling apart” feeling and may try to seek reassurance from the guy, either outright or subtly.
You Can’t Force Love
When you take a relationship that is brand new and start thinking that it’s something, or forcing it to be more than it is, it’s game over. Your vibe will become man repelling and before long, he’ll be gone and you will be left baffled, analyzing what exactly you did to drive him away. But you won’t ever find the answer, because it isn’t concrete and measurable.
This is one of the main differences between men and women when it comes to relationships. Men are more in the moment and are able to comfortably enjoy a situation for what it is as it is.
Women are always looking for ways to improve the relationship and push it forward. It’s not that one gender has it right and the other has it wrong.
There needs to be a balance between enjoying the present and comfortably laying the foundation for a future. It just can’t be done forcefully.
The best relationships are the ones that unfold organically with two people bringing their best selves to the table and discovering who the other person is and developing an appreciation for that person.
It’s not about using the other person to gain status or self-esteem or security. A relationship can give you these things, but that’s a by-product, not the goal.
This is essentially the difference between a healthy relationship and a toxic relationship.
A healthy relationship is one where two people feel fulfilled by their individual lives and let that joy and sense of fullness spill into their relationship. They each bring something to the table and can comfortably give and receive.
A dysfunctional relationship is when one or both people believes the other person can “give them” something or that there’s something to “get” from the other person.
So what’s the solution? If you just enjoy life and engaging with him and make nothing of it, your vibe will still be enjoyable to be around and he will continue hanging out with you.
When he feels good around you, he’ll want to be around you. When he feels you’re trying to get something him, he will want nothing to do with you. It really is as simple as that.
I also want to add that this isn’t the only reason a man will lose interest, it’s just the most common and most misunderstood one. The problem is most people don’t accurately define what the problem is.
It gets written off as the woman being too available and not making him chase her. That is not really what’s at play here. Being available isn’t the issue, the issue is really not being present.
It’s an issue that comes from seeking validation through a relationship rather than in your life.
It is also worth noting that sometimes two people can be happy and satisfied in their lives and just not a match. Compatibility can’t be forced or created. It also can’t be ignored. If you’re incompatible, it will come to the surface eventually and a relationship can’t last without a foundation of fundamental compatibility.
The winning strategy when it comes to love is to bring your best self to the table and not stress over your relationship. Instead, trust that if it’s right it will work out, and if it’s not right you’ll be free to move toward something that is the right match for you.
Love doesn’t have to be that hard, Everything You Need To Know If You Want Love That Lasts by Sabrina Alexis is available here
Sabrina Alexis is a dating expert and the author of Everything You Need To Know If You Want Love That Lasts.
This post originally appeared at A New Mode
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Why men pull away: 10 reasons they start to fade away
Is there anything more frustrating than putting your heart into a relationship only to find that it’s not going to work out?
It’s easily one of the top five most annoying things.
And in this case, to make things even worse, you’re not sure what went wrong. Either they’re slowly fading away or ghosting you—leaving you with questions unanswered.
Not only is it hurtful, but it’s confusing too. You want to make things better, but you’re not given the opportunity to.
So, why do men pull away? What is it about them or you that causes them to pull away?
The answers may be different than you think. Keep reading to learn why the person you might be pulling away from you and what you can do about it.
What does it mean when someone pulls away?
Pulling away from someone comes in a few different forms.
For some, it may feel a bit of distancing. Maybe you’ve been in a relationship with the person for a while and they seem “distant.” They’re short with you, every time you’re together it seems strange, and so on.
For others, the man may pull away during the initial stages of a relationship. This is usually when you get ghosted. That means they stop interacting with you completely.
No texts, snaps, DMs, or anything else. All of a sudden, they disappear. You may reach out to them a few times, and each time, there’s no response.
The person pulling away is putting in effort to distance themselves from you.
10 reasons men pull away
When a guy pulls away, he may stop responding as quickly, fail to follow through on plans, or just not talk to you at all.
Whatever the reason is, you’re probably left wondering what’s going on. Are they busy?
Pulling away can happen for a number of reasons. One day you think everything is great, and the next, you’re lost.
Maybe you’re overreacting to it, or maybe they really are just trying to get away from you.
But the real question is…Why do they do it? Here are 10 common reasons why a man may be pulling away from you.
1. The relationship is too easy
I hate to say it, but sometimes, the relationship is just too easy. Seems weird, right? You should want a relationship to be fun, laidback, and easy. But deep down, there is something that makes things “too easy” seem sketchy.
It’s if someone were to just hand you a $100 bill. You’re going to question it.
Same thing with your relationship. If everything is just given to him, it’s too good to be true. While relationships shouldn’t be impossible, they are often challenging.
2. He can feel himself changing
On the flip side, men might feel they’re getting in too deep and can feel themselves changing for you. No one wants to feel they’re not good enough, and if they feel they’re changing, it’s not a good sign.
To stop this feeling, they may just retreat and pull away. Though this hurts, there isn’t much you can do because it’s their own decision.
Many times, it has nothing to do with you. People get stressed out. There’s more in his life than you, and because of this, he may need to tend to those things.
It doesn’t mean that you’re wrong or you should’ve done something different. Often, they just have to get through the stress. Adding a new relationship on top of things will only make it worse, which is why they distance themselves.
4. He wants his independence
Do you remember what it was to be by yourself?
Don’t you love your independence? A lot of people think that to be in a relationship means you must sacrifice your independence.
That’s obviously not true. But sometimes, it does feel that. When there is a new relationship, it can be stifling.
He might feel he’s losing his grip on his independence. This is threatening to his masculinity, and to handle things, he heads the relationship completely.
It doesn’t mean that how he’s doing it is right, but he’s doing it in hopes things will get better for him.
Ah, the old adage.
Men are scared of commitment until they’re not. They may go through a hundred girls before they settle down and find they’re not too scared.
It’s not necessarily that they are scared of commitment, but rather, they’re scared of commitment with you.
When you meet someone you’re supposed to be with, they’re not going to be scared of commitment.
So, when he gets scared of commitment, he wants to leave without hurting you. Unfortunately, a lot of people think that ghosting or fading away is the best way to breakup with someone.
6. He’s overwhelmed with his feelings
Look, all reasons that men pull away aren’t totally rational. Maybe he does you—a lot!
Because of this, he could be completely overwhelmed with his feelings. Feelings are stressful, and mixed with everything else life demands, it can be a little crazy.
His feelings may scare him, and they might be too much too fast. Sometimes, fading away isn’t actually fading away, but just slowing down. There’s nothing wrong with taking a step back from a relationship and pressing pause.
Sometimes, that’s exactly what needs to happen for someone to feel better about the situation. If you pressure them when they step back, they’re going to take it as a sign to truly fade away.
7. He leaves before he gets hurt
Sometimes, you’re putting out signals that things aren’t going so well. And when that happens, men often jump ship before they get hurt.
No one wants another person breaking their heart, so if they think it’s going to happen, it’s better just to leave.
8. There’s too much going on
Remember that month in your life where everything was complete and total crap? Where your work was busy, there was family drama, maybe someone got sick, or your finances weren’t where they needed to be.
The last thing on your mind was the people you have gone on a few dates with. Things are hectic. Life gets crazy!
So maybe, it’s not about you at all. Maybe, they’re deep in some crap that they wish they weren’t in. And it’s altogether possible that they’re pulling away because they aren’t thinking about dating at all.
They’re just trying to survive.
9. He’s just not that into you
Now, it’s time to get to the more hurtful reasons. It’s possible that the guy isn’t that into you.
That doesn’t mean you’re not great—you are. But, maybe you’re not great for him.
People are different and constantly changing and evolving. What may have seemed it could work before may not work now for a number of reasons.
It’s nothing wrong with you. Simply put, it’s just something wrong in terms of compatibility. You’ll find that person you mesh with, and maybe, this guy isn’t it.
10. He’s got other options
It could be that he’s into you, but he thinks his other options are better. Nowadays, with all the dating apps, a lot of people are dating around. People date multiple people at once.
Maybe you’re just not on the top of his list. As much as that sucks, you deserve someone who’s going to put you first. If this guy isn’t doing it, then finding someone else can be a dream come true.
So, a man is pulling away from you. You’re not sure what to do.
Should you save the relationship? Try to chase after him?
Honestly, it all depends on why he’s pulling away in the first place. You can chase after a man that’s not ready to date you for as long as you live, but again, if he’s not ready, you’re not going to see results.
On the flip side, if he does you but he’s scared and you ignore him? The relationship will definitely end.
That’s why this is such a difficult problem. But before you react either way, try these steps:
1. Retrace your steps
In new relationships, we tend to overanalyze and overreact a lot. It’s totally normal and due to us not knowing the person as well as we do later on in a relationship.
The first question you should ask yourself is whether or not the guy is really pulling away. Retrace your steps and think about the last time you saw them or had a conversation with them.
Was it completely normal?
If so, he’s probably just busy.
But if the conversation just felt different, why did it feel weird?
You should try to figure out why you think he’s pulling away. Were his messages short and to the point? Did he not respond?
Did it only happen once? Or is this something that has happened multiple times?
Finding out how big of an issue this really is will help you decide how to react.
2. Just ask him
Many of us hate confrontation. That’s probably why you’re reading this right now. But here’s the thing…
You need to ask him. Pretending everything is fine isn’t going to end well. Blowing up at him and accusing him of not talking to you is also not going to end well.
Most people “ghost” or fade away because they don’t want to hurt you. They don’t realize that doing this is actually more hurtful.
There’s nothing stopping you from asking him what’s going on. Approach him in a civil and calm manner. Keep it simple without pressure.
You don’t want them to get frustrated or defensive. A lot of times, if you ask the person what’s going on, they’ll tell you.
Plus, keeping it casual helps to open the conversation as to why he’s pulling away. Is it because he s you too much or not at all?
But, be prepared for a hard conversation. More often than not, someone is pulling away because they’re no longer interested in the relationship. So, you need to go into the convo knowing that things may end completely between you and them.
3. Reassure him
If the truth is he’s scared of commitment or feel things are going too fast, reassure him. It’s okay to take a step back from the relationship.
Let him know that you him and understand why he feels the way he does. If he’s scared of commitment, talk to him about it. You never know where it can lead!
4. Accept it
This is, arguably, the hardest part of watching someone pull away. It means that they aren’t interested, the relationship isn’t going to work out, and you’ve been hurt.
There’s only one thing you can do: Accept it.
Sometimes, you’ll talk to them about why they’re pulling away and you’ll get the answer that they’re not interested.
Other times, you’ll talk to them and get no answer. You’re once again ghosted.
Either way, you have to accept it. There’s nothing you can do to change the outcome, and it’s something that you’ll have to deal with.
Before you go out and rebound with someone else, take a few moments to reflect on the relationship. Then, try one of these:
- Eat your favorite snacks
- Watch some good movies
- Meditate and reflect
- Take the time you need
- Go through all of your emotions
- Talk about it with someone else
It’s never fun to have a relationship end. Sometimes, it can hurt even more when you don’t know what happened.
Try to remember that just because someone is distant doesn’t mean the relationship is completely over. Don’t assume that the relationship is ruined.
It’s always best to talk to them about what’s going on first.
But even if the relationship is over, it doesn’t mean you’re bad or not valuable. It simply means that you and this man are incompatible. Don’t let it get you down. The reason men pull away is due to their own issues—not yours.
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The Real Reasons Men Pull Away When They Are Falling In Love
So you’re here because your man is pulling away, right when things were starting to get serious.
Things were going great with this guy – really, really great. You feel a real connection with him, it feels he might even be the one.
You’ve let your guard down with him because you feel you can trust him, and what’s more important – it feels he could feel the same way about you.
Then, when you’re at your most vulnerable, he started to grow distant from you.
It feels he’s pulling away, he might even be losing interest in you. he’s afraid things are getting serious and he doesn’t know what to do next.
You’re here because on some level you want to know why a guy would pull away when things are starting to get serious, and is there anything you can do to stop him from pulling away?
more: Why Do Men Pull Away?
Why Do Guys Pull Away When Things Start To Get Serious?
I want to take a look at some reasons he might be pulling away from you.
Before you get worried about them, first let’s make sure there’s something to actually worry about. If it’s only been one or two days that he’s seemed distant, then you probably don’t have to worry about him pulling away from you.
In truth, it could have absolutely nothing to do with you. He could be stressed about something else in his life that is completely separate from you and your relationship.
Stressing out about the state of your relationship or worrying that he’s losing interest in you because he’s been weird for a couple of days is only going to put you in a worse position emotionally and harm your relationship.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
So take the time, right now, to think about whether you really think he’s pulling away, or whether he’s just dealing with something else for a couple of days and he’ll be back to normal soon.
more: Why Men Fall In Love And Why Men Leave “Perfect” Women
If you really think he’s growing distant from you, and things are definitely not the way they used to be, it might be for one of these reasons:
Why Men Pull Away When They’re Falling In Love
- He could be afraid of losing his freedom
- He could be afraid of getting married, or he could think that he’s not the type of guy to get married
- He could need a break from the intensity of his emotions about the relationship
- He could be worried inside that you might not be the one
- He could be feeling rushed in the relationship and need a second to slow down
- He could be afraid of what this relationship means in your lives and in the future for both of you
That’s a list of common reasons that a guy might start pulling away – especially right when things start to get really serious.
It’s totally normal for a guy to pull back and take stock of a relationship when things are starting to get serious, so if he’s growing distant for a little bit, chances are there’s nothing to worry about… if you do the right thing.
more: The Exact Signs A Guy Is Pulling Away
What’s the right thing to do in this situation?
Well, all these reasons might seem different from each other, but the truth is there’s a common thread that runs through all of them. The right thing to do in all of these situations is actually the same.
What Should You Do If He’s Growing Distant From You?
The common thread that runs through all those reasons a guy might be starting to grow distant is this: they’re all about him, not you.
All of those reasons are about his emotions, his fears, and his hangups about relationships. They’re things he needs to work through on his own.
more: What To Do When A Guy Withdraws
If he’s acting distant, the worst thing you can do is chase after him trying to chase his affection, attention, and love.
I know this situation feels awful. I know it’s unbelievably scary that the man you’ve let your guard down to is acting distant towards you.
But if you come chasing after him with that insecurity, fear, and panic flooding your mood, it’s only going to make things worse.
more: Why Did He Withdraw After Sex?
It will make him want to get away from you even further, because he’ll sense that negativity and want to get away from it.
It will also make him feel you’re trying to control him and drag him back to your side (which will freak him out even more if he feels he’s missing his freedom).
It puts you in a terrible position where you’re chasing after his love, rather than accepting the love that grows organically between you. Chasing after love never, ever works.
So what should you do?
more: The Exact Reasons Men Disappear
Give Him The Space He Needs To Work Through It On His Own
The common answer to every reason why he might be acting distant towards you is the same: give him the space he’s looking for.
Sometimes guys just need space to work out how they’re feeling about a relationship. He might need some time in order to work through his emotions about getting more and more serious with you.
Guys often have conflicting emotions about a relationship getting serious. Both of you are giving up a degree of freedom (being able to see other people and being able to imagine seeing other people in the future), and that’s something that can weigh heavily on a guy for a little while.
more: The Top 3 Reasons Men Pull Away
Watch The Video: Why Do Men Pull Away When They Are Falling In Love (The Real Reason)
He needs to weigh what he’s giving up against what he’s getting (a loving, committed relationship with someone he’s compatible with). The only way for him to figure that out for himself is on his own, when he can get perspective on it.
The point is, any common reason that he’s growing distant requires that he take some time on his own to work through it himself.
When you give him the time and space he needs to work through how he’s feeling without chasing after him and chasing his love, it’s huge to him.
more: When A Guy Withdraws…
It shows him that you understand what he needs and are able to give it to him – even if it’s uncomfortable and scary in the short term.
That’s huge. It means he sees that you have the emotional intelligence to empathize with how he’s feeling, and you have the patience to do the best thing for him to feel normal about the relationship again.
There’s another reason giving him space is the right thing to do, and it’s actually the most important reason: giving him space gives him the space to miss you again.
more: When A Guy Loves You…
When he’s feeling distant from you, he’s weighing how it would feel to be single in the future against how good it feels in the relationship to be with you.
If you’re constantly chasing after him, calling him, texting him, and trying to pull him back to you, he won’t have the space to miss how amazing it feels when the relationship was going well.
more: Why Men Pull Away When They’re In Love
What’s more, constantly chasing his attention will actually make him feel bad about the relationship, because it will feel awful to him if you’re chasing after him trying to get validation and emotional reassurance from him (just it feels awful for you to do the chasing).
But when you give him space, it gives him the opportunity to miss all the things he loves about the relationship. It lets him reflect and miss all the good parts, while the not so good parts fade from his mind. (As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder).
more: Why Men Pull Away When You Want Them Most
So give him space, and let him have the time to miss you again.
If he doesn’t come back, it feels awful, but it means that you just weren’t meant to be. If that’s the case, nothing you could have said or done would have brought him back to you.
more: What Makes Men Fall In Love
But if he does come back, it will be because he’s already worked through his doubts and emotions on his own, and he’s ready to commit himself fully to the relationship.
Now that you know why men sometimes get distant when they’re falling in love, it’s important to understand that if you want to keep him once he’s started pulling away, you need to know exactly what to do so pay attention because the next step is vitally important. If you are already interested in a man and you feel he might be losing interest, going cold or pulling away then you need to read this right now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Another problem that ruins relationships and leaves women alone forever is this: Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Why Men Pull Away: Top 3 Reasons
Almost every woman has experienced the panic and uncertainty that occur when her man starts pulling away or withdrawing. Maybe it happens the blue, maybe something sparks it, either way, it’s a miserable feeling, one that leaves you feeling powerless and painfully insecure.
You question what happened, why he’s doing this, and what you may have done to cause this sudden shift. The most common questions we get involve some variation of a guy suddenly backing off and the girl going into a tizzy over it.
I totally get it, I’ve been there. Looking back, all those feelings of worry and confusion were a waste because the answer is surprisingly simple and applies to almost every situation.
So what’s the deal, why do men pull away and what can you do about it? Every guy is different, and every relationship is different, but in general men pull away for three main reasons.
1. He’s Stressed
It’s pretty widely known that when a man is stressed, he retreats to his “man cave.” However, there is a big difference between knowing something and really understanding it.
Most women have a hard time accepting that this is how men deal with issues because when we are having a difficult time, our first instinct is to talk about it and seek comfort from friends or loved ones.
Men don’t operate this way.
When a man is having a hard time, he needs to pull back and work through his issues on his own. The biggest mistake you can make is not giving him the space to do this.
If you harp on him and pester him to talk to you and open up he will see you as another source of stress in his life and will pull away even more.
This creates a vicious cycle of you pushing him, him pulling back, you pushing more, and on and on until he either distances himself from you entirely or the relationship continues with an underlying tension.
You can’t force someone to open up to you, especially when it comes to difficult emotional topics. You can invite them to open up, but you can’t badger them into it.
If your guy is having a hard time, be it from external sources his job or he’s having some internal emotional issue, you have to give him the space to work through it on his own.
If he wants to talk to you about it, he’ll seek you out. And if he does, make sure you listen to him, don’t use this as an opportunity to voice your opinions on the matter and try to solve it for him.
If he wants your advice, he’ll ask for it.
Remember, when a man pulls away due to stress it has nothing to do with you or his feelings for you. I understand that you think he should open up to you, but you can’t place these expectations on him. Why? Because he is wired differently than you.
You wouldn’t appreciate being forced into doing something that went against your nature and the same is true for him. When someone forces us to be a certain way it’s violating and invasive. It’s a breach of our boundaries and it’s disrespectful.
So as much as you want him to open up and think he “should,” you can’t demand it of him. The best thing to do is back off and give him some space. Spend that time focusing on yourself instead of worrying why he’s pulling away from you and what to do about it. Work on recharging your batteries so that you can put positive juice into the relationship.
Putting pressure on a man is never a good strategy and will often drive him away. But when you give him the space to just be, then he usually takes steps toward you.
TAKE THE QUIZ: Is He Losing Interest?
A man doesn’t have to be dealing with personal issues to feel the need to retreat. Sometimes too much neediness from you is enough to cause him to back away.
Neediness isn’t so much a set of behaviors as it is a state of mind. If a man feels you need him in order to feel OK in your life, or that you need him to fill some sort of emotional void for you, he will instinctively pull back.
Men want to feel wanted and desired, not needed. This is a very important distinction that most women overlook.
MORE: 5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Men
Men do enjoy being in relationships (when it’s with the right woman, that is), but at the same time, most men have a huge fear of losing their freedom and getting trapped in a situation with a woman who sucks them dry and leaves them feeling drained and uninspired. A man will feel “free” in a relationship when he’s with a woman who is whole and fulfilled in her life and doesn’t rely on the relationship to meet her every need.
If you start to act needy, an alarm bell will instantly sound in his head warning him that he’s losing his freedom and he will instinctively pull away from you.
Now you might be wondering, how can I fix this and undo the damage? The answer is the same as above, just pull back, give him space, and focus on yourself.
Working overtime trying to undo the damage caused by acting needy is still you acting needy. It’s you being desperate for his approval and for his love and affection.
Guys hate feeling that sort of pressure from a woman, the feeling that they need to be a certain way or she will get upset.
Instead of trying to fix it and reel him back, forgive yourself for being needy, acknowledge that it’s OK and everything will be fine, and give him some space to come to you. Don’t inundate him with texts or snap chats or G-chats or anything. Just let it be and give him the space to find his way back to you.
And in that time, enjoy your life and find ways to be happy. Do not spend this time obsessing over him and wondering if you ruined this relationship forever.
Be confident in yourself and try to internalize the fact that you deserve an amazing relationship and with the right person it will happen freely and won’t need to be forced.
3. He’s Having Doubts About the Relationship
Doubts are normal, especially as a relationship deepens. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything about you or how great of a girlfriend you’ve been. Maybe he’s not ready for something so serious, or maybe he’s a little unsure if you’re really the woman he sees himself spending the rest of his life with. And that’s OK.
Two people can love each other very much and still not be right for each other in the long run. Maybe something happened to spark these doubts (a fight, jealousy, lack of trust, etc.) or maybe it happened the blue. Don’t waste your time analyzing the situation to pinpoint exactly what you did wrong, this will only make you crazy.
Instead, give him space and continue to be the best you that you can me. If you’re at your best and he decides to throw in the towel, then there’s no reason to have regrets and to play the shoudda, wouldda, couldda game.
In order for a relationship to work, both people need to be committed to making it work. That means you both try, you both put effort into the relationship, you communicate openly. You work together. One person can’t carry the team when it comes to relationships. A relationship is a partnership, a unit, and it just can’t be done alone.
If he’s having doubts about you or has some sort of issue with the way you are and how you live your life, then he most ly isn’t the right guy for you and there isn’t much you can do about that. The right guy for you is a guy who s you and accepts who you are. Remember that.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter why your man is withdrawing. The solution is always the same: give him space and focus on loving yourself and your life. If you do this, he will most ly come around and will go back to being that sweet, caring, attentive guy that he was in the beginning.
Be sure to take our “Is he losing interest? quiz to find out exactly where you stand and what you can do to get your relationship back on track!
I hope this article helped you better understand why guys pull away. But there is more you need to be aware of. Most guys will start to pull away at some point. They may even lose interest.
You may notice he’s acting colder and he’s less responsive and attentive to you.
Do you know how to handle it when this happens? If not, you run the risk of making a common, and major, mistake that might push him further away so be sure to read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
These Are the Top 3 Reasons Why Men Pull Away:
- He’s stressed
- You’re being needy and he feels suffocated
- He’s having doubts about the relationship