- When You Rely Too Much on What Others Think
- Related Articles
- 4 Essential Tools to Stop Caring What Other People Think About You
- 1. A mental hammer
- 2. A magnifying glass
- 3. A pocket full of Fertilizer
- 4. A spotlight
- 5. Final thoughts
- Comment via
- 5 Reasons To Stop Caring About What Others Think
- 1. It’s impossible to please everyone
- 2. It’s an unnecessary stress
- 3. It will sabotage your plans and progress
- 4. It’s all about you
- 5. Those who judge you don’t matter
- Let Go of What Others Think of You
- Osho reveals the one obvious truth about why you shouldn’t care what people think of you
- How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think of You
- It’s natural to care about what others think
- Being on high alert is exhausting
- How to stop worrying about what other people think of you
- Step 1: Realize everyone is thinking about themselves
- Step 2: Take the pressure off by asking questions
- How do you put yourself at ease?
- How to Stop Caring What Others Think of You
- Getting to the heart of the issue: Uncovering the inner dialogue
- This is what Happens when we Stop Caring about What other People Think
When You Rely Too Much on What Others Think
Caring what others think is totally normal. It’s also adaptive.
“[V]aluing other people’s thoughts and opinions is what helps us build relationships [and] integrate socially into society,” said Ashley Thorn, a LMFT, a psychotherapist who works with individuals, couples, and families on improving their relationships. “[It] keeps us respecting and following rules and pushes us to think and challenge ourselves.”
Caring what others think becomes a problem when we hyperfocus on their opinions — and let them override our own. When we do this regularly, we send “a message to our brain that says we can’t ‘look out’ for ourselves or self-protect.” Which triggers self-doubt and insecurity.
But you might not even realize you do this. Thorn shared these tell-tale signs:
- You regularly feel regret and resentment. You agree with what others have to say or give in to what they want. But you don’t feel good about it.
- You have a tough time making decisions. Or you defer to others. You say it’s because you don’t care or you’re just easygoing. But if this keeps happening, you might really be worried that others won’t agree with what you really want.
- You feel you need to make others happy—even if you’re left unhappy.
- You have many insecurities and speak to yourself negatively. You’re so focused on others that you haven’t taken the time to explore what you , what you think, what you want, and who you actually are.
If these signs seem all-too familiar, try the suggestions that follow. Keep in mind that it’s not about having a callous, “I don’t need to listen to anyone” attitude.
“It is fine, and often a good thing, to consider the thoughts and feelings of others,” said Thorn, who practices at Wasatch Family Therapy in Salt Lake City, Utah.
“But how we ourselves think and feel should ultimately be more important.”
Be prepared for feeling uncomfortable — and soothe yourself
We can’t control how someone is going to react. Maybe they’ll react negatively. Maybe we’ll feel hurt and uncomfortable. But, as Thorn said, “that’s OK.”
The key is to prepare yourself for feeling uncomfortable emotions and then turn to healthy self-soothing strategies. For instance, you might take deep breaths to calm down. You might try positive self-talk, and “remind yourself that just because that person didn’t agree doesn’t mean that you are wrong.”
Because different techniques work for different people, Thorn suggested experimenting with various strategies to see which are best for you. She shared these other ideas: Create a playlist of calming music, and listen to it when you’re upset. Use a coloring book.
Organize your closet, drawer or art supplies. (“Some people need to take action when they’re feeling stressed.”) Take a walk. Take a bath or shower. Soak your hands in a bowl of warm water.
Or turn on the faucet, and let the water run over your hands until you feel calm.
Build your sense of self
“[B]uild a deeper knowledge of who you are that will ground you and help you to feel confident in yourself,” Thorn said. This also helps when you go against what someone else thinks.
Thorn suggested reflecting on these questions:
- What do I find satisfying, meaningful, and enjoyable?
- What do I ?
- What don’t I ?
- What are my values?
- What is my moral code?
- What are my spiritual beliefs?
- What masks do I wear? Why?
Building your sense of self is a lifelong process, because we’re constantly learning and growing, she said. So return to these questions periodically.
Remember that others’ reactions are more about them
If someone criticizes you or disagrees with something you’d to do, maybe it’s because of insecurities or unresolved issues, Thorn said. “Or maybe they’re simply being true to themselves.”
Whatever the reason, this actually might be good for your relationship. According to Thorn, it either means you communicate until you reach a resolution. Or you gain a better, deeper understanding of each other.
Take small risks
“[P]art of learning to trust yourself is by simply taking some risks, and then evaluating how that feels,” Thorn said. The key is to start small. She shared this example: When your friend asks you where you’d to have dinner, instead of saying “Doesn’t matter to me! You pick,” actually state your preference.
Here’s an important point we people-pleasers tend to forget: “‘Standing up for yourself’ or considering what you want to be of value and importance is not about trying to get other people to agree.” Maybe you end up being in an uncomfortable situation. Maybe you don’t get what you want.
But, as Thorn said, even if nothing results from expressing yourself, you’re still building your sense of self and personal security. Because you’re being true to yourself. Which leads you to feel better and feel less negativity toward others, she said.
Ultimately, it isn’t that we quit caring about others’ opinions or perspectives. Rather, it’s that we start caring about our own.
When You Rely Too Much on What Others Think
4 Essential Tools to Stop Caring What Other People Think About You
I’d to ask you a couple of simple questions.
What if you could stop caring what other people think about you?
What difference would that make in your world?
Sometimes caring what others think seeps into every area of our life and it has a bigger impact on us than we might think.
Far too many of us do things, or don’t do things, because we care what other people think.
Our lives aren’t really our own. We’re not always doing things because we believe in them, but because it’s expected, how we think other people see us.
“What would my colleagues think if I voiced my opinion and it was different from theirs?”
“Do these pants make my bum look big?”
“If I change direction at school, in my career, in my life what would those closest to me think or have to say?”
What kind of life do we live when it’s mainly dictated by what other people think?
Especially when you consider life is so short that you don’t have time to live someone else’s life AND do the one thing that makes you unique.
Imagine the possibilities of treasuring your uniqueness. Of never sacrificing who you are or who you want to become because someone else has a different perspective of you.
It’s time to love who you are both within and without as you move forward in life and stop caring what other people think about you.
Never sacrifice who you are, or who you aspire to be, because someone else has a problem with it.Click To Tweet
Instead, learn to love who you are inside and out as you forge ahead to your future.
And here’s 4 essential tools you can use to stop tiptoeing through life because the one thing you want most in the world doesn’t stand a chance unless you give it one.
1. A mental hammer
To hit your need for external validation on the head
The ultimate goal is to create your own reality, not allow the opinions of others to determine who you are and what you want. Losing yourself in the opinions of others is easy but it makes it much harder to find yourself again.
So stop caring what others think about you and invest time instead in becoming conscious of where the power of the thinking of others plays out in your life. Then you can decide on a new response.
Don’t allow a thought in your head or an emotion in your heart to determine the nature of your life experiences. It’s time to knock the idea that you need external validation on the head.
You don’t. You never did. No-one has the power to decide who you are or what you want unless you hand it over to them.
2. A magnifying glass
To focus your attention on what matters to YOU!
There’s always someone who won’t understand what you’re trying to say. Always someone who will misinterpret your words. You have no control over them.
This only matters as much as you think it does.
What matters more is how you see yourself and your life.
Don’t second guess the decisions you make. Stay true to your core values and be happy that what you’re doing feels right.
If you’re not sure what your are values are. Ask yourself a few questions.
What excites me most in or about life?
What annoys me most in or about life?
If you could share 3 things with others about what excites you most what would you teach?
For instance, I would pick personal and spiritual development as the thing that excites me most about life. And would choose to share how important this is for the foundation of living the life we want. That it’s the process of the ever expanding potential within us all.
What would you choose?
It may seem simplistic but focusing your attention on deciding what is really important to you prevents others from making that choice for you. Your mind is busy doing what you want it to do and doesn’t have time to care what others think of you!
3. A pocket full of Fertilizer
To grow yourself
A big part of not caring what others think is being comfortable with who you are. This is hard when other people’s opinions are the deciding factor.
Nobody said it better than Anais Nin “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Not everyone will see you in your true light. Not everyone will look beyond the mistakes and false starts and when you care too much about what others think you too can’t see your true light.
The truth is that to grow ourselves we have to change. And we change by learning. Throw yourself into life wholeheartedly, treasuring the uniqueness that is you.
Learning how to spread your wings and fly means stepping outside of your comfort zone. You and I might be products of our past, but we don’t need to be confined by it.
Be the one you were meant to be.
4. A spotlight
To shine a light on your passion and enthusiasm
The most fundamental responsibility you have is to be joyously happy. If you are not happy, what will you do with your life?
It doesn’t matter whether your ultimate goal is business success, financial success, greater education or being of service. You are doing this because deep within is a belief that this will bring you happiness.
Every action, every desire we have springs from the belief that it will make us happy, because this is the nature of who we are.
A couple of days ago I sat in the dentist’s office and listened to his unbridled enthusiasm for something he had ordered that was going to change the way he took care of his patients. It was a machine, as I understood it with my limited knowledge of dentistry, that allowed him to create his own crowns. No more waiting weeks for some outside laboratory.
He was a kid in a candy store. Totally enthralled and blissed out. He was filled with passion and enthusiasm and willingly accepted the hours of training he would need. He could hardly wait.
It was awesome to be connected to this passion and enthusiasm. It lit every fibre of his being and spilled over on to the rest of us.
He could care less what everyone else thought. To him it was exciting and innovating and he was fired up.
Turn the spotlight onto what lights your spark of enthusiasm and passion and your involvement with them will raise you to a new dimension of experiencing life.
No longer will you be held captive by caring what others think.
5. Final thoughts
It might be hard to go after what you want because you’re so used to caring what other people think about you and that’s okay.
It’s okay to feel stuck.
It’s okay to feel confused. Just don’t stay there.
This is about how you want to feel on a daily basis and it’s a paradox of life that just when you no longer need the validation of others is the time you’ll get it. Life can be mysterious!
All you need to do is the best you can in the place where you are because life is calling and you must move towards it with as much passion and enthusiasm as you can muster. This is the basis of living a fulfilled life.
Encourage one another.
5 Reasons To Stop Caring About What Others Think
Growing up, my parents used to tell me not to disclose too much about my life. They used to say, “Keep things private. Don’t give people a reason to talk.”
For a really long time, I followed my parents’ advice. I followed it because I was afraid of others talking about me and judging me. I didn’t want people to think of me in a bad way. I wanted them to think nothing but great things.
But living my life constantly worrying about what others thought was exhausting. So one day, I decided it was enough.
Photo Credit: Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be they expect me to be. It’s their mistake, not my failing.
– Richard P. Feynman
A few years have passed and I can proudly say that I was able to completely transform myself. I’ve finally stopped caring what other people think of me. I’m no longer afraid of sharing my life, my stories, my successes and struggles.
Being able to be open about my life and not fear criticism is an absolute feeling of freedom. But getting to this point wasn’t easy. It was a tough mental battle with myself. And the only reason why I was able to win this fight was because I finally understood how detrimental caring what people thought of me was for my overall health.
So if you feel you are in the same boat I was a few years ago, here are the five things you should always remember to help you finally stop worrying about others, and start living for yourself.
1. It’s impossible to please everyone
Unless you’re Mother Teresa, there will always be someone who’s going to talk behind your back and judge you. There are over 7 billion people living on this planet; it would be a miracle if everyone approved of you. The only person you should be most concerned about pleasing is yourself.
You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.
– Dita Von Teese
2. It’s an unnecessary stress
Constantly worrying about what other people think of you or your actions causes nothing but mental and emotional stress. There are plenty of other things you need to be worrying about, and this isn’t one of them. Don’t let others control you. Remember, you only have one life to live, so make it a good one.
3. It will sabotage your plans and progress
When you embark on personal projects, the only thing you should be concerned about is you. You should always block out the outside noise and focus on your self-development. If you don’t, you’ll never move forward. Always make yourself a priority.
4. It’s all about you
At the end of the day, the only thing that should be of importance is you and your feelings. Ask yourself questions such as: Am I happy in life? Am I happy with my achievements? Am I becoming a better and stronger person? If you’ve answered yes to all of these questions then nothing else should matter.
5. Those who judge you don’t matter
Have you heard of the saying “Lions don’t lose sleep over the opinions of sheep?” Well, that’s exactly how you should be living your life. Remember, you’re the lion and those who judge are the sheep. The people who love and support you will never talk negatively behind your back. These are the people who are important.
Before I end this article, there’s one more thing you should keep in mind. It’s human nature to judge others. So if ever you catch yourself doing it as well, please stop. Let’s all just focus on being the best versions of ourselves and let others do their own thing.
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Let Go of What Others Think of You
Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote “What other people think of me is none of my business” is such an incredibly powerful self-development tool.
When we are obsessed with what other people think of us, we prevent ourselves from reaching our true potential and realising our dreams.
Here are 6 Tips by energy healer and psychic development expert Phil Davies to help you in letting go of what others may think of you.
STOP ASKING FOR OPINIONS
Firstly if what others think of you affects you in an adverse way (bearing in mind that not all criticism is necessarily negative) then stop asking for opinions, particularly from anyone that is generally unhappy with their own life, who are hyper-critical of all things or maybe have an overall pessimistic view point on life. If you do need an opinion, look towards someone who is more content with their life and can offer a fair and balanced observation within their experience (always remembering that their experience will not necessarily be akin to yours).
2. YOUR OPINION CHANGES
You may be aware that even your own thoughts on others changes all the time. The opinion you may have had of someone six months ago could be entirely different to the opinion you have of them today.
It is even possible that your original opinion of a person was more your emotional or mental state than on the person itself.
Keeping this in mind, if our own thoughts on others can change so quickly, why do we need to be concerned about what others are thinking in any given moment.
3. YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO PLEASE EVERYONE
Just as Abraham Lincoln famously observed, “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time”, this is also true of trying to please people.
You are never going to please people all of the time, regardless of what you do. Even as we journey along the path of making ourselves to be the best possible version of who we are, we will still encouter people that our actions will not please. Invariably the best way is to please ourselves.
WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OURSELVES
Regardless of whether we please people or not, what they think about us for a moment or two doesn’t change the fact that we have to face and are ultimately responsible for the end result. It’s a lot easier for people to give advice and tell you how you should act and what you should do when they don’t have to face the consequences of your actions!
5. SOMEONE ELSE’S ADVICE MIGHT NOT BE RIGHT FOR YOU
Although taking advice from others can be helpful, it doesn’t always follow that a particular path that others took is the right path for you. Regardless of how others may think (or act), only you know what is in the best interest for yourself.
Does this mean that you will always make the best decisions for yourself? Maybe not, but at least they were yours and any failures we have along the way add to our map of finding success.
Essentially this is your life and you have to live it and live with it, the only way to do this is to consciously make decisions on what is best for you and not what decision would be best in order to appease the people that surround you.
6. LIVING THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS
Finally in the words of Shakespeare “This above all: to thine own self be true”. Let’s face it, as we navigate through our lives we are going to face some tricky if not some particularly hard decisions.
In order to achieve our goals there may be moments where we have to put our reputation at stake or choose between pleasing others and maintaining our own integrity.
Choosing to please others over being true to yourself will almost always lead to you living a life for those others and not that of your dreams.
See also: Top 5 Meditation Tips
Osho reveals the one obvious truth about why you shouldn’t care what people think of you
It’s natural to worry about what people think of you. It’s something I’ve struggled with for most of my life.
The problem is acute when your sense of wellbeing is tied up in the opinions of others. You’re effectively giving up your own power and letting others dictate your life.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has struggled with this. That’s why I love sharing profound advice from spiritual masters that help people to realize that it doesn’t matter what others think of them.
Nothing excites me more than seeing people let go of the need to seek approval from others. It’s one of the key signs of emotional maturity.
In this quote from the Zen spiritual teacher Osho, he helps us to understand that we know the truth about ourselves better than anyone else. No-one knows what’s best for you but yourself.
“Nobody can say anything about you. Whatsoever poeple say is about themselves. But you become very shaky, because you are still clinging to a false center. That false center depends on others, so you are always looking to what people are saying about you.
And you are always following other people, you are always trying to satisfy them. You are always trying to be respectable, you are always trying to decorate your ego. This is suicidal.
Rather than being distributed by what others say, you should start looking inside yourself…
“Whenever you are self-conscious you are simply showing that you are not conscious of the self at all. You don’t know who you are. If you had known, then there would have been no problem — then you are not seeking opinions. Then you are not worried about what others say about you — it is irrelevant!
“Your very self-consciousness indicates that you have not come home yet.”
We often talk about “enlightenment” on Ideapod’s blog, and it’s one of the key discussion items around why we share ideas at ideapod.com.
Enlightenment is hard to define, but I think Osho makes a valuable point at the end of this quote.
Feel you're stuck in a rut? Tired of not finding deep and meaningful relationships in life? Learn a powerful framework for aligning your spirituality, work, family and love around your true nature from a modern day shaman. Learn more here.
Your self-consciousness indicates that you have not come home yet. A state of enlightenment seems to be about coming home to yourself.
For a long time I understood coming home to myself as about achieving some kind of mastery of my psyche.
Now, I feel that I’ve let go of this desire. I’m not as attached to seeking enlightenment or trying to help others do the same.
Instead, it feels easier to just “be”. I don’t really know what that means, but I’m more relaxed and happier this way.
I think a key development for me has been gradually letting go of my desire to please people around me. That’s a fool’s errand. It’s not possible to achieve.
Rather, I’ve embraced the idea that the only opinion that matters is my own. Osho has been one of the spiritual teachers that has helped me to see this.
I hope you get the same inspiration from these teachers as I have.
If you’re interested to read more about the wisdom of Osho, consider these articles:
RELATED ARTICLE: What did Wild Wild Country miss about Osho’s teachings?
How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think of You
Do you often feel self-conscious in social situations, and worry about what other people think of you? In this post I want to share a couple of simple steps you can take to let go of that fear.
It’s natural to care about what others think
We are social creatures, so it’s natural to care what others think of us. Having strong relationships helps us feel fulfilled, connected and supported.
But obsessing over what others think just makes us feel judged, disconnected and resentful. It’s hard to be vulnerable and open up to family members and friends when we’re scared of the reaction we’ll get when we’re honest and forthright.
Being on high alert is exhausting
It’s not just the people close to us, either. How often do you worry about what everyone thinks of you, including every coworker, the other people at the gym, even random strangers on the street?
Being on high alert this drains our energy, revs up anxiety and makes it harder to connect with other people. These tips will help you stop caring so much about what others think of you and feel more engaged and aligned.
How to stop worrying about what other people think of you
Watch the video or keep reading to learn two simple tips that will help you stop worrying about what other people think of you.
Step 1: Realize everyone is thinking about themselves
The first step in not caring what other people think about you is to realize that everyone’s really just thinking about themselves! Everyone around you is walking around thinking about their own personal needs and desires and worrying about others judging them.
We’re all just trying to feel good and be happy. So just remember that we’re all in this together. Take that struggle and discomfort off yourself and realize we’re all doing this all the time.
Step 2: Take the pressure off by asking questions
Another great way to get your attention off of what you think others are thinking and onto just being more casual and feeling more centered is to ask people more sincere, curious questions about themselves.
In your conversations, let go of your judgment (of yourself and them) and simply inquire about them. As you ask them questions you’ll discover things you have in common and reasons to feel connected.
Connection is all we really want! By showing that you’re interested in the other person, you’ll begin to feel a greater sense of presence within the relationship. You’ll be able to let go of inadequacy and stop caring about what they think of you, and you’ll feel more engaged and aligned.
How do you put yourself at ease?
These are two very simple steps. I hope this practice goes well for you. Go out and try it and let me know your experiences in the comments below!
Do you have other ways of putting yourself at ease and connecting with others? How do you stop worrying what other people think of you? Leave a comment and let me know!
How to Stop Caring What Others Think of You
When I was younger, the fear of what others thought of me was paralyzing.
I had a thing about clothing when I was younger and would take forever just to decide which shirt I was going to wear. What would the girl I think? What would other people think? I it, but would others think I look funny?
It pains me to think of how many kids go through that now (especially in high school, ugh) because I know what it feels .
Unfortunately, while it is magnified during our younger years, the fear of what others think of us doesn’t stop there. It follows us all the way to adulthood and will rob you of your life– if you let it.
You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!
– Olin Miller
The fear of what others think of us is paralyzing. However, there’s a big misunderstanding at the heart of this fear that causes most of the problem.
And if you become fully acquainted with this knowledge it can help you stop caring what others think and start acting and living in a way that is more true to who you are and what you want to do.
One universal truth worth remembering time and time again is this:
Yep, that’s right. Everyone is too busy thinking about what others might be thinking about them to be thinking of others.
No one cares. They’re too worried about whether or not they look good, are fitting in, or sound funny. They’re thinking about that deadline, that errand, or what happened between them and their best friend two days ago.
We’re all too afraid to be ourselves because we think everyone else is looking at us. But, the truth is, we’re all too busy being absorbed in our own lives to care what the person we passed by at the mall is doing– whether their shirt was too tight, their belly was sticking out– or whether the barista at our local coffee shop was nervous or not.
You can test this out for yourself the next time you step out. As you’re walking through whatever public place you’re visiting, keep your head up and scan through the faces of the people you pass by.
Are they looking at you? Someone else? Or are they too busy on their smartphone or looking off somewhere else? Do most other people look confident and happy or occupied and stressed out?
For as much as we worry about what others think of us, we have a tendency to shy away from making eye contact with those we encounter throughout daily life. However, watching the faces of others tells an important story that can shed light on the truth about this irrational fear.
Getting to the heart of the issue: Uncovering the inner dialogue
This simple exercise can go a long way to helping you overcome the fear of what other people think because it debunks the common assumption made by the mind. However, if you want to get to the heart of the issue, you have to go further.
To those who know me, I’m somewhat revered for my ability to beat the crap a pair of Toms shoes. And then keep wearing them…and wearing them…and wearing them…
We’re talking the back is split open, the sides are frayed, and a sizable hole has formed at the front, big enough for my toe to peek out. As much as they were torn and frayed, I loved them because they were my torn, frayed, and worn-in shoes. There was a sort of comfort to them, and a resistance to the idea that I had to constantly buy new things, that I enjoyed.
Obviously, I replaced my shoes after a while (and consequently beat up another pair), but that’s not the point of the story.
It’s this: after a while of going out wearing them this– passing by others at the grocery store, bank, mall, or anywhere else– I noticed certain thoughts that would arise. They were downright horrible.
“Are they poor?”
“They don’t have any money.”
After a while, noticing these thoughts arise became an exercise in itself– one I found a lot of value in.
The reason is, it was giving me a rare, clear glimpse into something that all of us have but which is typically very hard to detect: our negative self-talk. Why is this important? It’s our negative self-talk which is the real source of this fear of what others think of us.
We don’t fear what others think because we don’t actually know what they think, we fear what we think that they think.
If that was confusing, let me say it again: the fear of what others may think comes not from other people, but from our own thoughts about what we believe others are thinking about us.
In other words, it’s all in our head.
This one thing, if really and truly internalized and acted upon, can single-handedly change the course of your entire life. It can take time to realize this for yourself, and I insist that instead of taking my word for it you go out and work to uncover your own inner dialogue.
The fear of what others may think of us is a debilitating fear that can make us live out our entire life suppressing our true selves. So, it’s imperative that you work to see for yourself that not only are people too busy to care– but that the fear itself comes from (and heals) within.
This is what Happens when we Stop Caring about What other People Think
It is healthy to care what other people think—to a point. If we care too much, however, eventually we explode, implode or make some serious life changes.
We want our friends and loved ones to respect and admire us, but what most people don’t understand is that this is different from caring about what people think about us. Our friends and loved ones respect and admire us for the person that we are and not for the decisions that we make.
I used to define myself by what others thought of me. I had no real sense of self. As I began to learn more and more about myself, I learned to care less and less about what others thought of me.
Here are ten amazing things that can happen when we stop caring about what other people think:
1. We follow our dreams.
The older I get, the closer my “dream job” is to my reality. When I stopped listening to what people told me to do and started listening to my intuition, I started to follow my dreams.
Granted, this involved a lot of mistake making, inner turmoil and confusion. It involved taking jobs that I dreaded for the paycheck until I finally reached my breaking point.
My breaking point looked this: I realized that I would never be satisfied if I didn’t at least give my dreams a fair shot at coming true.
(Hint: Most people think that being a yoga teacher isn’t a real job.)
For a long time I let this thought fester my brain and prevent me from following the path to become a yoga teacher. Eventually, I hit a breaking point and decided that I didn’t want to be most people, anyway.
2. We stop feeling obligated to spend time with people we don’t .
We’ve all had a friend or two whom we secretly couldn’t stand. Maybe we feel obligated to stay friends with them, we feel bad for them or we have mutual friends that render “making the break” difficult. Yet every time we spend time with this person, we end up feeling worse about ourselves.
But when we stop caring what people think, we don’t worry about who we decide to be friends with. We choose who we spend our time with and it’s typically people who we . Sounds common sense, right?
Be friends with people you spending time with and don’t settle for less.
3. We apologize less.
This doesn’t mean I am never sorry, because I am. I apologize when I feel that I have done something wrong, hurt someone or disrespected someone. Other than that, apologizing for my life is something I no longer do. Essentially, I live the #sorrynotsorry life.
Saying sorry to someone for the way that we live our life is undervaluing ourselves. I don’t apologize often anymore because I am confident in my values, morals, actions and interactions with others.
4. We stop needing other people’s approval.
I just took a huge sigh of relief after writing this. This is huge.
When we spend a lot of our time seeking approval from others, nothing we do is enough. People cannot define our worth for us, and we will be unsuccessful if this is how we choose to define our worth.
We maintain the power to define our own worth.
We don’t need anyone’s approval to start our own business, to go back to school, to buy those shoes that we love or to adopt an adorable Shiba Inu dog. Read that again, please: We do not need anyone’s approval.
5. We surround ourselves only with people who have healthy boundaries.
What an amazing thing it is when we stop caring what people think. When we care about what other people think, often we surround ourselves with people who are similar. These are people who tend to be co-dependent.
When we stop caring what people think, we begin to invite people into our lives who have healthy boundaries. They don’t say things “You should really break up with your boyfriend”, “Your hair looked better before your haircut” or other irritating and unhelpful statements.
Healthy people have boundaries. They don’t pass judgment on our lives. They are in our lives because they enjoy our company.
6. We have room for more hobbies and passions.
When we have more space in our heads because we’ve stopped worrying so much about what others think, we have time for new hobbies. Things that take up space in our head actually take up time and energy, too.
When we have more time and energy, we get involved in creative things, sports, art, community work, knitting or painting. Whatever our interests are, we make more space for it in our mind and in our life.
7. We become more confident and bold.
This is a really awesome thing. It’s different for everyone. For me, it’s meant standing up for what I believe in. Standing up for myself. Standing up for causes that are important to me. Not being afraid of what other people will think or say. Stating my mind, unapologetically.
Fortune favors the bold, friends.
8. We learn to embrace our mistakes.
I used to try to be perfect. When I made mistakes, I didn’t want anyone to notice. I had a tendency to cover them up and try to make people think I was perfect. This was because, at my core, I thought people would accept me if they thought I was perfect.
This is skewed thinking.
Our friends and loved ones respect and admire us for the person that we are and not for the decisions that we make—and oh by the way, everyone makes mistakes. When we begin to care less about what other people think, we accept our mistakes.
This even means we laugh and make fun of ourselves! We take ourselves lightly.
We embrace our mistakes and view them as learning opportunities.
9. We no longer live in fear and anxiety.
These are some of the feelings that were associated with caring about what others thought of me: Fear, anxiety, low self-esteem and insecurity. All those feelings started to diminish when I began believing in myself more.
10. We believe in ourselves and realize that’s all that matters.
We have faith in our abilities, our dreams, our goals and ourselves. We trust ourselves. We trust that we can accomplish these things. We don’t need other people to tell us that we can. We don’t need other people to tell us that we are okay anymore.
We are our own best friends.
Editor: Alli Sarazen