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Mindful Living

10 habits of mentally strong women

13 Ways That Mentally Strong Women Stay That Way

10 habits of mentally strong women

Source: AdobeStock

You build mental muscles the same way you build physical muscles—exercise. Good habits ( lifting weights) will help you grow stronger. But giving up counterproductive bad habits ( eating too much junk food) is key if you really want to make progress.

While the exercises that build mental muscle are the same for both men and women, gender can play a role when it comes to the counterproductive bad habits that can keep you stuck. It only takes one or two bad habits to hold you back from reaching your greatest potential.

My newest book, 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do, outlines the bad habits that women are more ly to adopt. Cultural expectations, societal pressures, and the subtle differences in the way we raise girls are just a few of the factors that encourage women to engage in these unhealthy habits.

Recognizing your unhealthy habits is the first step in creating positive change. Here are 13 things mentally strong women don't do:

1. They Don't Compare Themselves With Other People

Whether you're looking at Instagram photos of a celebrity's vacation, or you're hearing your friend talk about her latest raise, comparing yourself with others is tempting. But every minute you spend comparing your life with someone else's life is 60 seconds you aren't focusing on your goals.

2. They Don't Insist on Perfection

Perfectionism has a cruel, ironic twist; it will cause you to experience such high levels of stress that your performance will actually become impaired. Establish high expectations for yourself, but don't set the bar impossibly high.

3. They Don't See Vulnerability As a Weakness

Your game face definitely serves a purpose—it shows people you're serious. But asking for help, acknowledging your weaknesses, and admitting you don't have all the answers aren't signs of weakness.

4. They Don't Let Self-Doubt Stop Them From Reaching Their Goals

Your brain will try to convince you that you're not good enough, capable enough, or smart enough. But don't believe everything you think. Your brain will underestimate you.

5. They Don't Overthink Everything

Rehashing the same things over and over again and worrying about everything that could go wrong wastes precious time and mental energy. And it will take a toll on your psychological well-being. Commit to problem solving and productive action, rather than ruminating and overthinking.

6. They Don't Shy Away From Tough Challenges

Whether it's a promotion to a leadership position or an uncomfortable conversation you need to have with a friend, avoiding tough challenges will keep you stuck. Face your fears one small step at a time, and you'll gain confidence in yourself.

7. They Don't Fear Breaking the Rules

From a young age, many girls are taught the importance of being polite and well-mannered. But it's the rule-breakers who change the world.

8. They Don't Put Others Down to Lift Themselves Up

It may be tempting to try to elevate your own status by pointing out someone else's flaws. But genuine cheerleaders are the ones who really succeed in life.

9. They Don't Allow Others to Limit Their Potential

Whether someone told you that you'd never amount to anything, or you got turned down for a promotion, other people can limit your potential if you let them. Build belief in yourself, and you won't let criticism or rejection stop you.

10. They Don't Blame Themselves When Bad Things Happen

While it's important to accept personal responsibility when you make a mistake, toxic self-blame does more harm than good. Saying «I made a bad choice» is much more productive than thinking «I am a bad person.»

11. They Don't Stay Silent

From business meetings to social gatherings, studies show that women don't get nearly as much airtime as men. Speak up and find your authentic voice so you can be heard. 

12. They Don't Hesitate to Reinvent Themselves

As you mature, your personality, priorities, and values will shift, and so should you. Whether you make a complete career shift at age 40, or you decide to embrace your spirituality at 60, reinventing yourself is key to personal growth.

13. They Don't Fear Owning Their Success

Women are afraid of looking arrogant or too ambitious. Even when complimented, they're ly to pass the credit on to someone else or give an immediate compliment back. Practice giving a simple «Thank you,» and own your achievements.

Build Your Mental Muscle

Fortunately, everyone has the ability to build more mental muscle by changing the way they think, feel, and behave. And the best way to grow mentally stronger is to work smarter—not just harder—by giving up the unhealthy habits that are holding you back.

image: Potstock/Shutterstsock

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201904/13-ways-mentally-strong-women-stay-way

10 Habits Of Mentally Strong People (You Should Consider Adopting)

10 habits of mentally strong women

Mental strength contains thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. Becoming mentally healthy involves managing your feelings, regulating your very thoughts, and behaving productively. So how do you do this if you are going through difficult times?

Mental toughness is the ability of a person to resist, manage, and conquer any circumstance hindering success. Mentally strong people can maintain focus on the big picture and don’t let temporary hardships defeat them.

1. They Neutralize Toxic People

For most, coping with difficult people is exhausting and frustrating.

Mentally tough people keep their feeling in check to manage their interactions with toxic people. They often approach the situation rationally when they need to encounter a toxic person. They recognize their emotions and don’t let frustration or anger to fuel the chaos. Along with that, they consider the standpoint of a difficult person and can find solutions to issues.

Mentally strong people can take the toxic person with a pinch of salt to avoid leaving her or him to bring them down when things completely derail.

2. They Say No

According to research at the University of California in San Francisco, the more difficulty that you have to say no, the more prone you are to undergo burnout, stress, and even depression.

Thankfully, mentally strong people have the foresight and self-esteem to make their “no’s” clear. They often stay away from sentences such as “I’m not certain” or “I don’t think I can.” Besides, they say no to themselves to exert self-control. They postpone gratification and stay away from impulsive action causing harm.

3. They Are Emotionally Intelligent

The cornerstone of mental toughness is emotional intelligence. You can be mentally tough without the capacity to understand and accept negative, strong emotions fully.

Moments testing your mental strength are finally testing your EQ (emotional intelligence). Your emotional intelligence is a soft skill that you improve with effort and understanding.

You Were Born A Genius. Learn The 5-Step Formula To Unleash It in This FREE Masterclass>>

4. They Exercise

People who exercised two times per week for ten weeks felt more intellectually, socially, and athletically competent, according to a study at the Eastern Ontario Research Institute. Additionally, they rated their self-esteem and body image higher.

5. They Get Enough Sleep

It’s not easy to exaggerate the importance of sleep in raising your mental toughness. Your brain eliminates toxic proteins when you sleep.

Poisonous proteins are by-products of neural activity when you are awake. Unluckily, your mind can fade them adequately only while you are asleep. Thus, the toxic proteins stay in your brain cells when you do not get enough sleep.

Mentally strong people know that their memory, self-control, and focus are all decreased when they don’t get enough sleep, and hence they make quality sleep a leading priority.

6. They Limit Their Intake Of Caffeine

Overconsumption of caffeine can trigger the release of adrenaline. Your emotions defeat your behavior when caffeine puts your body and brain into the hyper-aroused state of stress.

Mentally strong people know that drinking too much caffeine is trouble, so they always limit their caffeine intake.

7. They Control Their Emotions

Mentally tough people can manage their emotions whether it is fear, sadness, jealousy, guilt or anger.

Emotions play a massive part in how you experience everyday life. Thus, it is an incredible power to understand how to curb them, whether it is through regular contemplative introspection, such as with meditation, a journal, or another daily activity.

8. They Stay Away From Feeling Sorry For Themselves

Let-downs and disappointments are part of life. You are distraught when they occur and want to feel comforted. You often turn to self-pity when there’re no others to do that for you. This doesn’t bring any solution.

Mentally strong people understand this fully, so they do not feel sorry for themselves. They will take responsibility, and they push forward with the knowledge that life is not fair.

9. They Practice Realistic Optimism

It is impossible to have a positive outlook all the time. Too much negativity is counterproductive.

People who are strong understand that their thoughts are not always correct and they try reframing their negativity. They cancel out exaggeratedly negative beliefs and replace them with a more realistic inner monologue.

10. They Use Their Time Wisely

Mentally strong people often express time as a finite resource. That is why they try using their time in a meaningful way. They pay attention to more productive activities rather than waste energy resenting other individuals for taking up their time or dwelling on the past.

If you’re determined to obtain something in life, it is best to follow these useful habits of mentally strong people.

Source: https://www.finerminds.com/10-habits-of-mentally-strong-people/

Mentally Strong Women Refuse to Do These 13 Things

10 habits of mentally strong women

You build mental muscles the same way you build physical muscles—exercise. Good habits ( lifting weights) will help you grow stronger. But giving up counterproductive bad habits ( eating too much junk food) is key if you really want to make progress.

While the exercises that build mental muscle are the same for both men and women, gender can play a role when it comes to the counterproductive bad habits that can keep you stuck. It only takes one or two bad habits to hold you back from reaching your greatest potential.

My newest book, 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do, outlines the bad habits that women are more ly to adopt. Cultural expectations, societal pressures, and the subtle differences in the way we raise girls are just a few of the factors that encourage women to engage in these unhealthy habits.

Recognizing your unhealthy habits is the first step in creating positive change. Here are 13 things mentally strong women don't do:

1. They Don't Compare Themselves With Other People

Whether you're looking at Instagram photos of a celebrity's vacation, or you're hearing your friend talk about her latest raise, comparing yourself with others is tempting. But every minute you spend comparing your life with someone else's life is 60 seconds you aren't focusing on your goals.

2. They Don't Insist on Perfection

Perfectionism has a cruel ironic twist; It'll cause you to experience such high levels of stress that your performance will actually become impaired. Establish high expectations for yourself, but don't set the bar impossibly high.

3. They Don't See Vulnerability as a Weakness

Your game face definitely serves a purpose—it shows people you're serious. But asking for help, acknowledging your weaknesses, and admitting you don't have all the answers aren't signs of weakness.

4. They Don't Let Self-Doubt Stop Them From Reaching Their Goals

Your brain will try to convince you that you're not good enough, capable enough, or smart enough. But don't believe everything you think. Your brain will underestimate you.

5. They Don't Overthink Everything

Rehashing the same things over and over again and worrying about everything that could go wrong wastes precious time and mental energy. And it will take a toll on your psychological well-being. Commit to problem solving and productive action, rather than ruminating and overthinking.

6. They Don't Shy Away From Tough Challenges

Whether it's a promotion to a leadership position or it's an uncomfortable conversation you need to have with a friend, avoiding tough challenges will keep you stuck. Face your fears one small step at a time and you'll gain confidence in yourself.

7. They Don't Fear Breaking the Rules

From a young age, many girls are taught the importance of being polite and well-mannered. But it's the rule breakers who change the world.

8. They Don't Put Others Down to Lift Themselves Up

It may be tempting to try to elevate your own status by pointing out someone else's flaws. But genuine cheerleaders are the ones who really succeed in life.

9. They Don't Allow Others to Limit Their Potential

Whether someone told you that you'd never amount to anything or you got turned down for a promotion, other people can limit your potential if you let them. Build the belief in yourself, and you won't let criticism or rejection stop you.

10. They Don't Blame Themselves When Bad Things Happen

While it's important to accept personal responsibility when you make a mistake, toxic self-blame does more harm than good. Saying «I made a bad choice» is much more productive than thinking «I am a bad person.»

11. They Don't Stay Silent

From business meetings to social gatherings, studies show women don't get nearly as much airtime as men. Speak up and find your authentic voice so you can be heard. 

12. They Don't Hesitate to Reinvent Themselves

As you mature, your personality, priorities, and values will shift and so should you. Whether you make a complete career shift at age 40 or you decide to embrace your spirituality at 60, reinventing yourself is key to personal growth.

13. They Don't Fear Owning Their Success

Women are afraid of looking arrogant or too ambitious. Even when complimented, they're ly to pass the credit onto someone else or give an immediate compliment back. Practice giving a simple «Thank you,» and own your achievements.

Build Your Mental Muscle

Fortunately, everyone has the ability to build more mental muscle by changing the way they think, feel, and behave. And the best way to grow mentally stronger is to work smarter—not just harder—by giving up the unhealthy habits that are holding you back.

Published on: Jan 24, 2019

The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

Source: https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/mentally-strong-women-refuse-to-do-these-13-things.html

10 habits of mentally strong women

10 habits of mentally strong women

We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with images and messages about how our lives aren’t good enough.

No matter where you turn on the internet, there is someone who has more than you, does more than you, and creates more than you.

No wonder so many people are struggling just to get through life: we expose ourselves to these seemingly positive messages on the regular and don’t realize that they are actually quite negative.

So what separates the mentally strong women from those who suffer the consequences of allowing these messages to permeate into their lives?

I believe that mental strength comes down to these habits:

1) Strong women don’t compare themselves to others.

A strong woman doesn’t need to know what others are doing in order to make herself feel good. She doesn’t need to see others struggling to feel she’s winning. More importantly, I believe she is glad for others who get what they want because it means she’s also able to get what she wants in life.

2) Strong women don’t let their self-doubt get in the way of their dreams.

Even mentally strong women have doubts about life, but that doesn’t mean that she lets those doubts stop her. Mentally strong women are able to pick up and go without fear that they’ll let themselves down. Others who let doubt creep in often succumb to thoughts that they aren’t good enough.

Doing hard things makes you braver, stronger, and more successful. My belief is that mentally strong women are able to pick up and do the things they need to do to move forward. It’s not always easy, but it is always worth it.

4) Strong women don’t blame themselves when things don’t work out.

I think one of the key traits of a mentally strong woman is that she doesn’t get down on herself when things aren’t going as planned. She’s not going to let a little slip up throw her off track. She’s capable of picking herself up and carrying on in a meaningful way, even when the going gets tough.

(To learn more about how to move forward in the face of setbacks, check out Hack Spirit’s eBook on the art of resilience here)

5) Strong women don’t let their brains overthink things.

Women are known for being overthinkers and in many cases, that’s a good thing. When it comes to getting what you want in life and being successful, mentally strong women don’t let their brains win the battle. It’s easy to get sidetracked, but mentally strong women can stay the course.

6) Strong women don’t put others down to make themselves feel better.

Some women cut others down to make themselves feel better, but it’s not the only way. I believe mentally strong women work to build others up because she knows that when others feel good, everyone wins. Dragging others down to make yourself feel better is for the weak.

7) Strong women don’t worry about what other people are doing.

Comparison kills dreams. Don’t be fooled into thinking you need to pay attention to what everyone else is doing. You don’t. Mentally strong women don’t pay attention to what her competition is doing. She’s fine to stand on her own two feet no matter what.

8) Strong women don’t focus on perfection.

Perfection will slow women down, and although society puts a lot of pressures on women to be perfect, a mentally strong woman knows better. Given enough time, everything works out. And if it doesn’t, it wasn’t supposed to in the first place.

You might think that strong women don’t show emotions, but the opposite is true. Being vulnerable is a sign of strength, not weakness. Mentally strong women know their thoughts and emotions and are able to feel them through in order to learn something from them. It’s worth feeling low sometimes so you can experience the high when the breakthrough happens.

10) Strong women aren’t afraid to express how they feel.

They take their time to form an opinion, but once they do, they won’t be afraid to stand by it.

They’re not afraid to stand up for what they believe in, especially when they know it’s right.

Injustice and poor behavior just plain irks them, so if you treat other people with disrespect, they’ll call you out and make you look foolish.

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Full of insights from modern psychology and practical tips, this eBook is your essential resource for becoming a stronger woman, boosting your appeal to men, and developing better relationships.

Check it out here.

Learn how to reduce stress, cultivate healthy relationships, handle people you don't and find your place in the world.

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Source: https://hackspirit.com/here-are-10-things-mentally-strong-women-dont-do/

7 Things Mentally Strong Women Believe

10 habits of mentally strong women

Oprah Winfrey speaks during Oprah's 2020 Vision: Your Life in Focus Tour.

Getty Images

I spend most of my time warning people about the bad habits that drain them of mental strength. While everyone engages in some unhealthy habits, my research uncovered specific habits that women are more ly to engage in. And those unhealthy habits are holding them back.

So why are women more ly to compare themselves to other people, downplay their success, and insist on perfection? It all comes down to their core beliefs. 

Mentally strong women do things differently because they live by a different set of core beliefs that guide their decisions and daily habits. 

Here are seven things mentally strong women believe:

1. Self-Worth Should Never Be Determined By Anyone Else’s Opinion

It’s easy to let rejection or criticism cause you to feel you aren’t good enough. Even if it’s been a decade since someone said, “You aren’t cut out for this business,” those words might still echo in your head.

But mentally strong women don’t allow someone else’s opinion to affect their self-worth. They alone determine how they feel about themselves, and they have healthy coping skills that help them bounce back when others try to bring them down.

2. Your Strength Will Sometimes Be Viewed As Weakness

Many people believe that kindness, emotion, and vulnerability aren’t important (or even appropriate) in the modern workplace. Some people even view these actions as signs of weakness. But mentally strong women understand that these can all be signs that you are mentally stronger than most.

Mentally strong women stay focused on growing stronger and becoming better, regardless of what their critics say. There’s no need for them to prove their inner strength to anyone else for attention. They recognize that their strength will ly remind others of their own weaknesses. 

3. There’s No Need To Shrink Yourself For Other People’s Comfort

Many women worry that their ambition might actually threaten others. Whether they’re filling out a dating profile or a resume, they minimize their achievements. And when given a compliment, they insist, “Oh, it was nothing,” or they say, “No, I’m not really that good.” But you don't have to shrink yourself or downplay your success for the comfort of others.

Mentally strong women know that they can own their success without sounding arrogant. They’re happy with their efforts, and they aren’t afraid to talk about their accomplishments. They’re comfortable in their skin and know that it’s not their job to avoid intimidating other people by playing it small.

4. Society Encourages Women To Engage In Unhealthy Habits

There is constant pressure for women to “be” the way the world wants them to be — courteous, quiet, and pretty. Young girls are often subtly treated differently than boys, and it can have a long-term effect on their self-perception. In the process, our culture has developed certain “gender norms” that can affect their ability to grow up and become strong women.  

Mentally strong women recognize how these pressures can lead to detrimental habits — such as insisting on perfection, staying silent, and engaging in toxic self-blame. So they go against the grain. They do things that help them build strength and be their best, regardless of whether they fit into cultural expectations or stereotypical gender roles.

5. Mental Strength Can Be Contagious

Mental strength isn’t something you can force on anyone. But your desire to grow stronger and become better can inspire others. 

Mentally strong women know that strength has a ripple effect, yet they don’t lecture, nag, or beg people to change. Instead, they lead by example. And their energy in creating the strongest version of themselves often inspires others to follow their lead. 

6. Mental Muscles Must Constantly Be Maintained

You might think things , “I’m already a strong woman,” or, “I don’t need any more mental strength.” But the truth is that your mental muscles need ongoing workouts.

Mentally strong women understand that mental muscles are physical muscles. They need exercise to stay strong. So they constantly work on giving up bad habits that threaten their mental strength, and they develop healthier habits that help them keep growing stronger in the effort to reach their greatest potential. 

7. You Can’t Always See Inner Strength

You might think that a certain woman who is working out hard at the gym possesses a lot of mental strength. But in reality, she might have serious body image issues.

Or she might actually be trying to prove that she’s good enough because of her own feelings of insecurity.

Meanwhile, another woman who pulls herself bed every day, despite her desire to hide under the covers, might possess incredible mental strength. 

Mentally strong women know that you can’t judge someone’s strength by the actions you see. Therefore, they aren’t concerned about showing off their mental muscles. Instead, they work on growing better with little concern about whether others recognize or applaud their growth.

Source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2020/02/11/7-things-mentally-strong-women-believe/

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Relationships

How to get a boyfriend: 15 no nonsense tips!

How To Make A Man Respect You: 11 No Nonsense Tips!

How to get a boyfriend: 15 no nonsense tips!

We all want to be respected by people in our lives, whether they’re our friend, our boss, or someone we’re dating.

If you’re looking for ways to make a man respect you, look no further.

This article explains how to earn and maintain a man’s respect, whatever role they play in your life.

1. Understand Where His Lack Of Respect Comes From

There are lots of reasons why men find it difficult to respect women, even if this is an unconscious decision.

There’s still a stigma around women not being as capable as men – not as intelligent or determined, and less worthy of success.

This comes from a long history of inequality and sexism and, while it’s improving, there’s still a long way to go.

It’s important to remember that a man’s lack of respect for women isn’t always fully intentional.

That’s not to say that it’s not offensive and upsetting, but that it’s good to be aware that some of it is not as deliberate as we may think. 

For some men, it’s simply a case of what they know.

Does that make it right? No, but it does mean that there’s a valid explanation behind it.

Your boss may have never had a female member on the board before, so may be struggling to respect you as he normally sees women as secretaries.

Yep, it’s frustrating, but at least things are moving forwards and you can find ways to understand people’s behaviors.

If your partner isn’t showing you respect and has stereotypical expectations of you, it may be due to his upbringing.

Some men have only ever experienced women as homemakers – maybe his mother stayed home and did the cooking and cleaning while his father was the breadwinner.

The lack of respect you feel may come from this deep-rooted understanding of gender roles.

This doesn’t mean it’s impossible for him to change; it just means that you’ll need to tailor your responses and behaviors in accordance with that.

2. Show Him Your Smarts

It’s hard to stop thinking about stereotypes when you’re faced with a man who refuses to respect you!

By taking a step back and thinking more logically, however, you’ll find ways to earn respect that work for you.

Prove your intelligence (not that you should have to!) by having opinions and not being afraid to back them up.

Go your way to share your views – without being condescending or a know-it-all – and the men around you will quickly realize you’re not afraid of speaking up.

Some men think that women are inferior because they’re not as smart, so use your frustration at that to power you through.

Speak up in meetings or express an opinion on where to go on your dinner date. They’re small things, but they’re a start.

You’re showing that you’re not a doormat and that you can stand up for yourself.

Some men may be intimidated by your intelligence or ability to speak for yourself – move on from these!

The men who are worth your time will recognize your strength and appreciate it.

3. Take Control

Some men still think that women aren’t as capable as they are, whether that’s doing DIY, driving, or playing sports.

Rather than waiting around and watching men judge you, be proactive and decide to show them just how capable you are.

They can’t question your ability if you prove it to them first!

Don’t be afraid to take charge.

Rather than waiting for your boyfriend to change the light bulb, do it yourself.

Sure, it’s a small thing and it shouldn’t matter that you can do it, but some men need a reminder that you’re a strong, capable individual every so often!

You can get to work on DIY around the house, too. If you’re not 100% sure, check out some videos or find instructions online first.

Your partner will be impressed with your knowledge and skills.

4. Respect Yourself First

Respect is mutual. That doesn’t just mean that you and the other person have to respect each other, it means that you need to project it to receive it.

The more you respect yourself, the more other people will realize that you’re deserving of their respect too.

Imagine the scene – you see someone walk into the room. They look very timid and unsure of themselves.

Your initial reaction may not be overwhelmingly positive. That may seem harsh, but we have gut feelings for a reason!

Now imagine that someone walks in, carrying themselves well and acting comfortable; commanding the room, in a sense.

You’ll instantly believe that they’re confident and self-respecting, ‘worthy’ of your attention, if you .

The way that we carry ourselves and present ourselves says so much about how we feel about ourselves.

Whether you’re trying to gain respect from your boss or a first date, bear this in mind.

If you can show this respect for yourself and your actions, you’ll project the right kind of vibe!

5. Respect In The Workplace

Work relationships can be a struggle, whoever’s involved.

There are often power dynamics or office politics that you unofficially have to adhere to, which can make things quite tricky.

When it comes to your career, it’s important to feel respected and comfortable.

If you’re working with a male colleague or boss, professionalism goes a long way.

No matter how casual or informal your work environment is, it pays (literally) to be well-behaved and well-mannered.

You’ll quickly gain respect from your male peers if you can hold your own in a conversation and maintain an air of professionalism.

Joking is always great, but be careful not to overstep any boundaries.

You may also (article continues below):

6. Respect From Friends

Friendships are different to work relationships, so your behavior toward any close male friends will always be different to that in the workplace.

Friends should make you feel secure and confident, and your friendships should feel beneficial and healthy – for the majority of the time, at least.

Gaining respect from a man involves the same level of strength and independence.

Again, have an opinion! If you don’t want to see the movie they suggest, tell them.

They might be a bit taken aback at first if you don’t normally express yourself that much, but they’ll get used to it.

By doing these small things, you’re rebuilding the way your male friends see you.

Take control by standing up for yourself and sticking to your guns. Your friends will realize that you’re not easy to walk all over and will respect you for your confidence.

7. Respect In Relationships

If you’re in a relationship and you feel your partner doesn’t respect you, something needs to change.

It’s important to realize if you are being disrespected and need to leave the relationship, or if this is something you think can change without affecting your well-being in the meantime.

When it comes to commanding respect in a relationship, you can pretty much follow the same rules as with other interactions.

Project what you want to receive and don’t be scared of open and honest communication.

If it’s a new relationship, you both may just be finding the boundaries and comfort levels of each other.

If you’ve been together a while, the levels of disrespect you feel may have become a habit over time.

Either way, you can do your best to take control of the situation.

Start with an honest conversation about how you’re feeling. This is much easier to do with a partner than with your boss, for example, as you should be feeling safe and loved in your relationship.

It’s okay to be vulnerable with those you trust. Talk about how you feel, how you want to feel, and what you think you can both do to get there.

8. Respect Him

We all know the saying, “treat others as you’d wish to be treated,” and this is so true when it comes to respect.

As with anyone, if you want to be respected, you have to make that a mutual experience.

Show respect to the other person by taking time to listen to what they say, maintaining eye contact, and generally having some time for them and their opinions.

By showing the other person respect, you’re making it clear what your own expectations are.

We’re all constantly learning, so you can feel free to throw him some social cues and get him started in the right direction!

Some men need reassurance that you care about them or are interested in them.

We’re not suggesting you drop everything, but make you sure your partner knows that they’re a priority in your life.

Tell him how great he is, support his pursuits, and be his biggest cheerleader.

It may not make much sense to you, but men’s ego needs a bit of a stroke every so often, so don’t be afraid to play up to that.

Let your partner know you love spending time with him, let your boss know he’s important by making him coffee.

It’s old-fashioned and dated, but it’ll definitely get you off on the right foot!

9. Learn How To Handle Him

It’s important to stand up for yourself when it comes to getting respect from others.

Show that you’re not afraid to have an opinion, and that you’re confident enough in yourself to back that up.

Don’t get cocky, as this can lead to a lot of power issues and resentment. Instead, be sure in your decisions and you’ll gain a lot of respect for that alone.

Men being challenged when they realize that it’s going to be mutually beneficial. If you’re going to make him look silly or incompetent in front of colleagues, it’s never going to end well.

Find ways to make your point without embarrassing him.

Make it sound you’re on the same team – you appreciate his opinion, but you think that your own approach may work better ‘for everyone involved.’

If you can sell your opinion as a solution to a big problem, and if you let him take some credit for it, he’ll soon start to show you more respect.

Of course, while it’s important to be assertive and confident, respect is also about meeting the other person’s needs.

Sometimes that means taking a step back and going for a softly-softly approach. This doesn’t need to mean pandering to his ego; it just means that you go with what is best for him.

Some men need to be dealt with differently, so that may mean playing up your feminine side and asking him for his help.

Let him know you value what he has to say and that you need him to advise you on your latest project.

All men feeling needed and important, so play on that by coming to him for help every so often.

You’ll gain a lot of respect through your versatility. If you’re flexible with your approaches and resolutions, he’ll really start to respect you.

Try a few different things to find what works best for each person you’re dealing with.

When it comes to resolving conflicts, you’ll need to be open-minded and willing to accept their viewpoints – just as you would with anyone, really!

10. Learn How To Handle Yourself

Learning how to handle yourself is one of the best ways to get respect from a man.

Again, it’s an old stereotype, but it’s there for a reason – men think women are overly-emotional.

If a man gets annoyed in a meeting, he’s passionate and driven in his career. If a woman does the same, she’s hysterical and unstable.

This is such an unfair way to divide genders, but it happens all the time.

Be ahead of the game by managing your emotions and not giving any men a reason to see you as a ‘typical emotional woman.’

That means staying focused and being professional in the workplace. No crying, no talking about your feelings.

Keep that kind of thing for wine night with the girls and focus on being as professional as you can.

It’s the same in your relationships – don’t give your partner any reason to think you’re irrationally jealous, or any of the other personality traits women get tainted with!

Stay calm, show respect for yourself by getting on with things, and you’ll soon be revelling in respect.

Own any mistakes you make. This will help men respect you more as they’ll see that you’re not afraid to take responsibility.

Stay accountable and men will realize that you’re not scared of what they may think.

They’ll respect your honesty and integrity and will actually end up trusting you even more than they did before you made the mistake – and trust is so important when it comes to respect.

11. Be Positive

It may feel impossible at times, but change will happen if you pursue it.

Project what you want to experience and do your best to stay positive and keen an open mind.

If things are getting too much and you’re really struggling with the relationship, be it professional or romantic, you may need to consider making a bigger change yourself.

At the end of the day, we all deserve to be, and feel, respected. If the man in question is not capable or willing to fulfil that need, we’d suggest you cut ties and do your best to move on.

Other than that, stay positive and keep pushing for what you know you deserve.

Some people genuinely just need to be told how to behave, so remember that honesty is key!

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Source: https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/11056/make-man-respect-you/

Six (scientifically approved) tips to make your man fall for you

How to get a boyfriend: 15 no nonsense tips!

Are you a woman? Do you have a male partner? Is this male partner not so much an individual human being, with all the nuances and complexity that would imply, but more of a self-propelled bag of crude stereotypes with a permanent erection? And do you, as a woman, want to forgo any hope of a career or life of your own in order to spend all your time wooing this creature, rather than doing the merciful thing and help end its undoubtedly horrific existence?

If this all applies to you, then you may have read the recent article from US Glamour magazine, which gave many tips for how to make a man fall (even more) in love with you. Unfortunately, the tips provided have been widely condemned as sexist, old-fashioned, incredibly naïve and just plain ridiculous. But you know what’s not ridiculous? Science!

Before now we’ve had scientific advice for men on how to pick up women, so here’s the opposite; a scientific guide for women on how to make that supposed man in your life fall in love with you, or at least become psychologically incapable of leaving you, which works out the same.

Condition that guy relentlessly

Man do nice thing? Give man meat. Man meat, make man do nice thing again. Photograph: Alamy

Does your man ever show affection to you? Does he say he loves you, or that you’re beautiful, or that he s spending time with you, or anything even vaguely complimentary? If so, as soon as he does, reward him immediately.

Figure out what he s and provide it on the spot whenever he is nice to you.

A nice cool beer, a biscuit, some sort of meat sandwich, a new PS4 game, whatever your budget and time allows for, make sure that whenever your fella behaves in a way that suggests he s you, make him want to do it again and again by inducing pleasure every time it happens.

Via the process of operant conditioning, the crafty balancing of reward and punishment in response to certain behaviours, he will soon learn to be faithful and committed to you. It’s important to balance this with deterring of unsuitable behaviours too.

If he wants to spend time with his friends and not you, if he wants to get an early night rather than stay up all night talking, make sure he regrets it considerably. Call the police and tell them he’s got a bomb, or release a wild leopard into his room as he tries to sleep.

He won’t find early nights so relaxing after that.

Look as much him as possible

Look your man, so he can never escape himself. Photograph: Image Source / Alamy/Alamy

You’ve heard that opposites attract? Well, forget about that. Many studies have revealed that people are ly to be attracted to individuals who resemble them.

Whether due to social, cultural, developmental or some deeper psychological cause, your man will ly be more attracted to you if you remind him of himself. Cut your hair, start wearing similar clothes, if cosmetic surgery is an option then go for that.

Soon you should have your man convinced he is in a relationship with an exact copy of himself. This will cause him to question his own existence and sanity, making him vulnerable and dependent. He’ll be yours forever!

Convince him that free will is an illusion

All choice is an illusion, other women even more so. Photograph: Alamy

One sure fire way to stop your man choosing to leave you is to convince him that the very act of making a choice doesn’t actually exist.

A lot of research from the field of neuroscience suggests that the activity responsible for action occurs before the conscious awareness of that action occurs.

This suggests that we are not responsible for our actions, we are only aware of them afterwards so are creatures of pure reflex and passivity at the most fundamental level.

Granted, there is plenty of evidence and arguments against this idea, but that’s not important; if you can convince your man that free will is a myth, then you can convince him to abandon the notion of any sort of autonomy and rule out any attempt at thinking about leaving you and entering a relationship with someone else.

Either that, or he’ll be so depressed about the utter meaningless of existence he’ll stay with you due to lack of motivation to do anything else at all. Either/or.

Stop him from sweating

Phwoar! Calm down, ladies. Photograph: Leigh Prather / Alamy/Alamy

It’s not enough to just ensure your man is committed to you, you have to make sure no other women have a chance either. While your manipulation techniques will have psychologically broken him to the point where no other women think of him as a desirable partner, there is still the more biological components to consider.

One of these is sweat; many recent studies suggest that women are responsive to the smell of a man’s sweat and end up being aroused or attracted to him as a result. Obviously, you need to curb your man’s sweat to prevent this.

There are many ways to stop your man perspiring; keep him dehydrated, apply strong antiperspirants when he’s not looking, slip him anticholinergic drugs, or even surgically sever the nerves that control sweating. He’ll have to be in quite a deep sleep before you can get away with this last one, but he’s surely worth it.

Take him hostage

Why not drop the pretence and genuinely restrict his movements? Photograph: Peter Cade/Getty Images

Considering that you’re already considering going to extreme lengths to manipulate your partner to prevent him from ever leaving you, why not just kidnap him outright? Holding him hostage in a perilous and unnerving scenario may well induce Stockholm syndrome, strengthening any existing bond between you via the mechanism of mortal peril and domination. Your grandchildren will love to hear this romantic tale.

Just don’t

Is this relationship really worth so much effort? Is any? Chill out and have a drink instead, it’s far less stressful. Photograph: foodfolio / Alamy/Alamy

When you think about it, if you’re having to resort to such feeble and/or ridiculous manipulations to make someone love you, they probably don’t, so save both him and yourself some time and dignity and move on as soon as you can.

Dean Burnett isn’t a relationship expert but he does recognise other people as actual individuals. He dispenses more sage advice on , @garwboy

This article was changed on the 28th of July to more accurately reflect the fact that the Glamour magazine article in question was from the US edition, not the UK one.

«,»author»:»Dean Burnett»,»date_published»:»2015-07-28T06:10:07.000Z»,»lead_image_url»:»https://i.guim.co.uk/img/static/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2015/7/27/1438035949500/98d94d40-6a2f-428f-a528-619c7a2bc996-2060×1236.jpeg?width=1200&height=630&quality=85&auto=format&fit=crop&overlay-align=bottom%2Cleft&overlay-width=100p&overlay-base64=L2ltZy9zdGF0aWMvb3ZlcmxheXMvdGctZGVmYXVsdC5wbmc&enable=upscale&s=9611d173cd9274008b149b72c6f85809″,»dek»:»Glamour magazine’s US edition recently published tips for women who wanted to make a man fall for them. These were roundly criticised for being ridiculous. Is this because they weren’t scientifically valid? Probably not, but here are some that are, just in case

Source: https://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2015/jul/28/six-tips-to-make-your-man-fall-for-you-science

6 Must Know Tips for Your New Military Relationship

How to get a boyfriend: 15 no nonsense tips!

If you’re in a new military relationship, you probably have a lot of questions.

It’s normal to be confused about how the whole military lifestyle really works, especially if you’re a new military boyfriend or girlfriend.

Military relationships are fun, hard, interesting, challenging, and most of all, rewarding. No matter how foreign this all is, just know you don’t have to struggle alone.

The happy, experienced military significant others will offer you solid military relationship advice. Others may gripe about their service member a broken record. Avoid the latter if you have any hopes of surviving your new military relationship.

Ain’t nobody got time for that nonsense.

Here’s a breakdown of some of the most important tidbits you’ll want to know as a newbie to the military significant other community:

1. Duty Comes First

You matter, of course. But, the military thinks they matter more. Your service member made a commitment to fulfill a specific duty, and the military will ensure that duty is fulfilled. With that in mind, here’s some extra tips to help you through these early days:

  • Be understanding –  You have to be reasonable about work schedules. There is no 9-5 when it comes to the military. Your other half will have to leave in the middle of the night, be on call, work overnights, and more. They love the unpredictability even less than you do.
  • Patience is a must – You’ll do a lot of waiting when it comes to anything with the military. You’ll wait to hear about graduation dates, training dates, deployment dates, work schedules, and more. Patience will be your finest virtue.
  • Do your own thing – When you have your own life going on, time flies by when you’re not with your service member (which is a lot). They’ll appreciate you staying busy with your own interests and not worrying about them every second of the day.

One of the best aspects of the military is you never have to go through the experience alone.  Go to any base or military function, and there are a ton of people who want to make friends just as much as you do. This is especially true of military significant others. They want to know they’ve got a tribe to support them.

  • Find a seasoned military girlfriend/spouse – Ask your service member to introduce you to friends. They’ll have significant others you can connect with, many who have years of experience under their belts they’d love to share with you. They’ve been there, and they know the best way to navigate some of the toughest military situations.
  • Look for social support – Social media groups can be a wonderful place to connect with fellow significant others who are at your same base. You can always connect in the Sandboxx community, too! Avoid groups filled with gossip or mean-spirited comments.
  • Socialize – Get on base with your other half as much as possible. There are tons of great activities put on by Morale, Welfare and Recreation (MWR) family events, concerts, and more. Military balls are another great way to dress-up and let loose with other couples.

Even if you’re engaged, it’s important to remember that the length of your relationship or how serious it is doesn’t mean much to the military. What really matters is if you’re enrolled in the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System (DEERS) as a spouse.

What does that mean for you?

  • The ID is everything –  A military ID shows you are an official part of the military system. If you don’t have this, you can’t get on base alone, go into the commissary, or generally do anything without your service member by your side when it comes to the military.
  • Base access is a process – Your military member has to be with you at all times on base. There’s no exception to this, ever. They will have to meet you at the gate and bring you in when they show the guards their military ID and your own valid government-issued ID.
  • Moving is a big deal – If you decide to relocate to your service member’s new location, you get to foot the bill. It’s a tough decision that will come up often, especially if you’re not ready to get married just yet.

4. Give Support Near or Far

The most important part of a military relationship is to know that your member needs your support.  Whether they are stateside or deployed, your understanding and love makes their time in the service much easier. With that said, it’s not easy.

  • Prep for long periods away – You will spend a lot of time away from your service member. You’ll probably spend more time apart than together, actually. This is a hard reality for many significant others, and other than potentially dangerous deployments, it may be the hardest part of a military relationship.
  • Connect when you can – Daily texts, calls, or emails are great when your service member is stateside. When they’re deployed, you’ll rely a lot on letters, emails, the random call, and the even less frequent video chat. Staying connected takes effort, but it’s well worth it when you hear from your other half.
  • Be their cheerleader – Military life is tough. There’s plenty of long hours, strict deadlines, and cranky higher-ups your service member deals with weekly. When they’re down, lift them up in the only way you know how.

5. Work is Sometimes a Secret

The military is a fascinating organization that is often run on secrecy. Entire missions and game plans (especially during deployments) depend on confidentiality. As a significant other of a military member, you will also be require to keep secrets — it’s called Operational Security or OPSEC, for short. It’s hard to keep secrets, but keep this in mind:

  • It’s really a secret – Your significant other would love to tell you about their day. But sometimes they are bound by contract not to do so. This is especially true for military members who work with classified information, which is many of them. If they say they can’t tell you, they really can’t. Try not to pry as it will frustrate them and you.
  • OPSEC is real – As a significant other, you’ll also be expected to follow certain procedures as well when it comes to security. Sharing when and where a Navy ship pulls into port, for example, is off limits until it’s publicly announced by the ship’s command. It’s to ensure the utmost safety of service members.
  • It’s not you, it’s the government – The government keeps information under wraps for a long time — sometimes even a century. If you ever get the time, check out the CIA’s declassification process. If they just recently released details of classified information from 1918, you can bet you probably won’t get to know all the details of your service member’s military intelligence activities anytime soon.

It’s an unfortunate reality that people get negative really fast when it comes to the military.  From the politics that run it to the military families themselves, it’s not hard to find someone complaining long and loud about military life. To that we say, avoid them the plague.

Here’s a short list of negative sources to avoid:

  • News – If your loved one is deployed, this is a definite source to avoid. It will create anxiety and uncertainty for even the most level-headed people. Social media news is often not real news, especially if it’s found in a forum that’s ly violating OPSEC.
  • Gossipy people –  Gossipy people contribute to the rumor mills it’s their job (see below). Don’t let them sucker you in. Politely decline to further discuss and disengage as quickly as possible. Gossip lowers morale, especially for service members if you share untrue news.
  • Rumor mills –  Avoid listening to and contributing to the rumor mills — there’s a lot of them, especially in the military world. When conversing with another military spouse or significant other, whether you’re swapping life stories or service member stories, keep it positive and truthful. Before it comes out, ask yourself, “Is this the truth?”

Military Relationship Advice Will Vary

Whether you’ve been in a military relationship for 2 months or two years, there will always be challenges. There’s also great reward, respect, love, and appreciation for your efforts as a military significant other.

There are plenty of bitter service members and military spouses who will fill your ears with negative advice and horror stories. For every bad relationship, there’s a good one.

Military relationships aren’t easy, but they are worth it when you push through the hardest parts. Everyone has a different military relationship story, and you get to create your own.

Although it’s not always a walk in the park, years from now you may reflect back on these early stages as the solid foundation you built your loving relationship upon.

What’s the best military relationship advice you’ve heard as a military significant other? Let us know in the comments below!

Source: https://www.sandboxx.us/blog/6-must-know-tips-for-your-new-military-relationship/

Рубрики
Eastern Philosophy

Why Zen and Taoist Masters Recommend Against Saying I Love You

7 More Zen Stories to Give You a Glimpse of Enlightenment

Why Zen and Taoist Masters Recommend Against Saying I Love You

A few months ago, we shared 7 illuminating Zen stories to nudge you toward a lighter state of being. And now we’ve returned with 7 more of the cryptic little tales. 

Remember: Zen stories are the ancient words and deeds of Zen masters, which have been passed through the ages, crossing the dynasties and cultures of forgotten peoples, originating with the Buddha himself.

The stories tend to be humorous, paradoxical, multi-layered, enigmatic, and written in a kind of rascally spirit. They’re tantalizing riddles that are sure to puzzle and captivate most anyone.

To practice Zen is to practice gentle acceptance — to observe ourselves and our world with a certain detachment and sense of humor, judging nothing, resisting nothing, allowing everything to be precisely what it is. Through Zazen meditation, we can enhance our ability to practice this gentle acceptance.

Practicing Zen can help us to discover greater serenity and equanimity, perceive the simple wonders of our day-to-day lives, embrace the ceaseless ebb and flow of mental states, and gain a distinct tendency to never take life all that seriously. 

Savor these 7 parables that point to a wiser, more liberated existence.

For more Zen stories, we recommend One Hand Clapping: Zen Stories for All Ages, a beautiful collection of Zen fables, simplified so as to be accessible for Zen students of all ages

For more on Zen, I recommend checking out any of these 8 books on Zen and its close cousin Taoism,  this essay on Aeon, this introduction to Zen, and the website The Daily Zen.

Thanks to The Daily Zen for passing on the stories shared in this post.

Source: https://highexistence.com/7-more-zen-stories-to-give-you-a-glimpse-of-enlightenment/

Taoism: That was Zen, This is Tao

Why Zen and Taoist Masters Recommend Against Saying I Love You
What is Taoism? Is it something worth knowing more about?

What is the difference between Taoism & Zen?

Not so long ago I wrote an article about Zen (Zen, The Inner Child & The Perfect Cup of Tea). Before doing so I did a bit of research and read a few books to understand more about the subject.

I found these fascinating which hopefully came across in the article and more importantly found that the idea of Zen practice can be applied in some of my own everyday life and activities – in particular when I want to achieve something (an outcome) and through a Zen- approach may be able to do that better when I detach myself more from the outcome (and focus more on the process instead).

Having learnt so much about Zen, and knowing very little about Taoism, I wanted to start exploring Taoism a little as on the face of it, the two concepts are very similar (and a quick internet search shows that they are often compared or confused with each other).

Nobody Ever Says ‘Be More Tao’

I believe that the general philosophy of ‘Zen’ is more widely understood than Tao or the philosophy of Taoism.

Zen has become adopted as a widely used term across the world, both in marketing ad in every day language. For example I’ve heard plenty of times people saying things along the lines of ‘you need to chill out, be more Zen’ or ‘it was really Zen’, but I have never heard anyone using any derivation of Tao or Taoism in the same manner.

What is Taoism?

So what is Taoism exactly?

As far as I can tell from some limited research, Taoism is a philosophy which is all about being ‘at one’ with nature – being at one with the Tao – where the Tao, which literally means the way but is described via various sources to mean the natural way of things, the flow of the universe and – not to get too deep – something that is the beginning of all things and also the way in which all things pursue their course, something which is natural, spontaneous, eternal, nameless, and indescribable.

So for a high level understanding I’d say that ‘being at one with nature’ is a good way to look at the main goal of Taoism. This also means not doing anything which is not at one with nature or that is against nature.

That was Zen, This is Tao

In case you didn’t notice that is a play on words from the English expression ‘That was then, this is now’ (well, I thought it was funny).

So what is the difference between Zen & Taoism?

The main difference seems to be in what these two words describe, Zen is more of an approach or a path, a practice or a way of attaining something.

You can have a Zen approach (Zen Mastery) to a given activity which may use a lot of similar language and feelings that a Taoist would use, such as being at one with nature, the process, yourself etc or being mindful, not focusing on the outcome or destination. Despite the similarities, Taoism is different in that it is more of a philosophy or religion.

I see this as Zen being an approach with a key tenet of that being where you put your focus – in the moment, on the process not the outcome, quieting the mind and within that having some ‘oneness’ with the process/activity in question – which can be explored in more detail via the concept of Zanshin and definitely has a lot of similarities with Taoism.

I see Taoism as being a philosophy which is all about being at one with the Tao (the way, nature, the universe), about accepting, about resisting the urge to limit or define things but instead accepting things as they are, accepting the Tao you are trying to be at one with, and even yourself as being indefinable because both things are ever fluid.

A parable…

Three men fall into a river after the bridge they were walking on collapsed. You guessed it, a Buddhist, a Zen Practitioner, and a Taoist.

Source: https://lifestoogood.net/taoism-zen-tao/

Рубрики
Self Improvement

Why you should spend 5 hours a week on intentional learning

Why you should spend 5 hours a week on intentional learning

Why you should spend 5 hours a week on intentional learning

You try hard ever day, but never see any long-term improvement. You feel trapped where you are, unable to move forward or progress. You see other people moving on and improving in all aspects of their life, and wonder what’s different about you.

Read on to find out exactly what this rule is and how you can implement it in your life.

Spend 5 Hours a Week on Intentional Learning

The 5-hour rule involves spending at least 5 hours a week on deliberate learning. This means setting aside time to give your full concentrated attention on learning and development. You could do this for one hour a day, or however long you want, as long as you spend at least 5 hours a week.

This learning can take a few different forms. Below we go over what type of learning you can use to implement this rule.

Reading

Reading is a habit that is crucial to gaining new knowledge. It’s easy, enjoyable (depending on what you’re reading!) and a convenient way to learn.

Try keeping a book in your bag at all times and setting yourself reading goals each week. You could aim to read a certain number of pages a day or a certain number of books a month.

The wide amount of eBooks on every single topic you can dream about makes learning about almost any subject quite easy. Bill Gates is someone who reads avidly, and credits it as one of the main ways he learns.

Reflection

This is a key part of learning that is often forgotten about. Consuming too much information in a short period can leave you feeling overwhelmed. It’s important that you have reflection time sorted.

A great way to do this is to keep a journal and write about what you’re learning. This will help clear your mind and properly structure the information you’ve learned.

Experimentation

This is perhaps most important if you want to progress in life. Set aside some time each week to test our new theories or ideas, no matter how crazy they are.

Innovation and learning never comes from doing the same thing over and over. Even if what you’re trying fails, you will have learned some valuable lessons.

It’s easy to confuse working with learning, which can cause you to remain stuck. Just because you’re working 40 hours a week doesn’t automatically mean you’re improving.

The 5 hour rule works because it is all about intentional learning, rather than going to work and assuming you’re going to learn something. Set yourself specific goals and you give yourself time to achieve them.

Focus on improvement, not just productivity

Most people believe that the more productive they are, the more they’ll see improvement. But this isn’t necessarily the case.

If you’re constantly focused on your current work, you might do a good job, but you’ll never see long-term improvement.

The reason most people don’t see long term progression is because setting aside time to learn doesn’t offer any immediate benefit. Try looking beyond your daily paycheck and dedicate time to become the best possible version of yourself instead.

If you take inspiration from some of the world’s most successful entrepreneurs, and spend 5 hours a week learning something new, you’ll start to see dramatic improvement in your life.

Learn how to reduce stress, cultivate healthy relationships, handle people you don't and find your place in the world.

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The more I ponder about life, the more I come to one solid realisation: The biggest curse and predicament of modern Man is forgetfulness. a creeping malaise, forgetfulness has seeped through all of Man’s being and doing. Individually, collectively, historically or culturally, we are spellbound to forget.

We haven’t only forgot our past but also our place in the present and our responsibility of the future.

On a personal level, our ego-based state of consciousness is on a mission to keep us in this state of forgetfulness – to break the link to our being as a whole and to the interconnected web of life and universal consciousness.

On a collective level, this forgetfulness is perpetuated and reinforced by social and cultural means – mainly by being tranced into a reality of unconscious consumerism, inauthentic lifestyles and a materialistic mindset.

The brighter side of it is that we all have the chance to re-member and re-connect to ourselves and the universe at large. The power of remembering is at the centre of the spiritual path to self-discovery and realisation.

Here is a list of what I believe we have forgotten, or more importantly, a list of things to remember:

1. We forgot our place in the natural world:

In the last couple of hundred years we have detached ourselves from nature. We have exploited, ravaged, consumed and attempted to control nature to appease our greed driven by self-absorbed madness.

We tried to distance ourselves from the natural circle of life. We forgot how to listen to and understand the natural rhythms and cycles of the earth – its signs and languages.

We forgot to follow nature’s path and live in balance with it.

2. We forgot our connection to life and the cosmos:

By detaching ourselves from nature, we forgot that we are deeply connected to it and to the cycles of the universe.

Some tribes on the outskirts of ‘civilisation’, and who still follow ancestral ways, have preserved this connection with respect and reverence.

We, on the other hand have instilled a sense of separateness which drove us balance and in dis-ease.  We forgot how all consciousness is interconnected and weaved into a delicate and beautiful dance.

3. We forgot our ancient wisdom:

We forgot our ancestral wisdom. In the quest to gain scientific knowledge through the rationalisation of our mind, we forgot the wisdom through the opening of our heart. We forgot the ancient stories and folk wisdom that was handed down from from seers and wise men of antiquity who lived in harmony with the universe.

4. We forgot our path and our dreams:

By stirring away from our inner path we forgot to dream the dream of life. More importantly we forgot how to awake in that dream and see our true nature as co-creators of life – as the dreamers. We forgot that we have the power to weave dreams and use our power of intention to direct those dreams into manifestation.

With too much chatter, noise and distraction in this dense reality we forgot what we came here to do. We forgot our purpose. We are caught in the mass trance of fabricated consensual reality.

We lost sight of our authenticity, that inner spark that drives us towards our happiness and self-realisation.

We forgot that we are here to be realised as spiritual beings embodied in a physical form and embedded in a congenial universe.

6. We forgot that everything is Love:

This is perhaps the deepest mystery of all that only some seers came to understand it as an all-embracing truth. That truth however is hidden somewhere deep inside of us.

We knew it at some point but have lost touch with it.

We forgot that everything is ultimately energy and consciousness and that love is the fundamental fabric of existence that runs through all energy and consciousness.

7. We forgot to Forgive:

By being made to believe that we are separate and disconnected from the others and from everything else, we forgot to forgive. In its deepest sense forgiveness is the act of reminding ourselves that we are one with everyone and everything and that there is no victim or perpetrator. It’s just all of us together moving together in a dynamic web we call life.

8. We forgot to be Free:

Remind yourself one thing everyday: You were made to be free.

We were born and raised in a ‘reality’ where freedom is only a concept. We were bound to the shackles of fear, misconceptions, false ideologies, material reward and held ransom to rules and laws laid down to safeguard the interest of the few. We were made to forget that we are free agents of change. We are free to be who we are without fear or guilt.

9. We forgot our real power:

Living in fear has made us forget how powerful we are. We forgot the massive power of our will and intention to change our reality. We have been tranced into sleepwalking and following the ready made signs automatons.

10. We forgot our lessons from history:

If there is something that history has taught us is how fast we are at forgetting our lessons.

Time and time again we keep on repeating the same mistakes, stuck in the same patterns of greed and self-destruction.

We cannot be blamed individually for the mistakes done by humanity in the past but we are responsible as individuals to to remind ourselves of the past mistakes and pass it on to the collective psyche.

Human life got more complex and complicated. We are seduced by the glitter of more and not by the power of less. We forgot to be simple and the meaning of simplicity. Life is simple really. Simplicity means discarding all the inessential stuff and ideas that clutter the view to our life purpose and the other truths we have forgotten.

12. We forgot to trust, believe and wonder:

We lost our enchantment with the world. We forgot to be wondered by the miracle of life. We do not stand in awe at the majesty of it all anymore. Our skepticism and cynical view of the world has made us lose trust in ourselves and the magic of the universe. We forgot how to believe. This is perhaps the biggest tragedy of all. It weakened our spirit and impoverished our soul.

Learn how to reduce stress, cultivate healthy relationships, handle people you don't and find your place in the world.

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Source: https://hackspirit.com/5-hour-rule-improve-your-life-2/

Why Constant Learners All Embrace the 5-Hour Rule

Why you should spend 5 hours a week on intentional learning

This is a post from Michael Simmons, co-founder of Empact.

At the age of 10, Benjamin Franklin l eft formal schooling to become an apprentice to his father. As a teenager, he showed no particular  talent or  aptitude aside from his love of books.

When he died a little over half a century later, he was America's most respected statesman, its most famous inventor, a prolific author, and a successful entrepreneur.

What happened between these two points to cause such a meteoric rise?

Underlying the answer to this question is a success strategy for life that we can all use, and increasingly must use.

The five-hour rule

Throughout Ben Franklin's adult life, he consistently invested roughly an hour a day in deliberate learning. I call this Franklin's five-hour rule: one hour a day on every weekday.

Franklin's learning time consisted of:

Waking up early to read and write

Setting personal-growth goals (i.e., virtues list) and tracking the results

Creating a club for «-minded aspiring artisans and tradesmen who hoped to improve themselves while they improved their community»

Turning his ideas into experiments

Having morning and evening reflection questions

Every time that Franklin took time his busy day to follow his five-hour rule and spend at least an hour learning, he accomplished less on that day. However, in the long run, it was arguably the best investment of his time he could have made.

Franklin's five-hour rule reflects the very simple idea that, over time, the smartest and most successful people are the ones who are constant and deliberate learners.  

So what would it look to make the five-hour rule part of our lifestyle? 

The core concept of the five-hour rule: empty space
 

To find out, we need look no further than chess grandmaster and world-champion martial artist Josh Waitzkin. Instead of squeezing his days for the maximum productivity, he's actually done the opposite.

Waitzkin, who also authored The Art of Learning, purposely creates slack in his day so he has «empty space» for learning, creativity, and doing things at a higher quality. Here's his explanation of this approach from a recent Tim Ferriss podcast episode:»I have built a life around having empty space for the development of my ideas for the creative process.

And for the cultivation of a physiological state which is receptive enough to tune in very, very deeply to people I work with … In the creative process, it's so easy to drive for efficiency and take for granted the really subtle internal work that it takes to play on that razor's edge.»Adding slack to our day allows us to:

1. Plan out the learning.

This allows us to think carefully about what we want to learn. We shouldn't just have goals for what we want to accomplish. We should also have goals for what we want to learn.

2. Deliberately practice. Rather than doing things automatically and not improving, we can apply the proven principles of deliberate practice so we keep improving. This means doing things taking time to get honest feedback on our work and practicing specific skills we want to improve.

3. Ruminate. This helps us get more perspective on our lessons learned and assimilate new ideas. It can also help us develop slow hunches in order to have creative breakthroughs.

Walking is a great way to process these insights, as shown by many greats who were or are walking fanatics, from Beethoven and Charles Darwin to Steve Jobs and Jack Dorsey. Another powerful way is through conversation partners.  

4. Set aside time just for learning.

This includes activities reading, having conversations, participating in a mastermind, taking classes, observing others, etc.

5. Solve problems as they arise.When most people experience problems during the day, they sweep them under the rug so that they can continue their to-do list. Having slack creates the space to address small problems before they turn into big problems.

6. Do small experiments with big potential payoffs. Whether or not an experiment works, it's an opportunity to learn and test your ideas.

The difference the five-hour rule makes
 

For many people, their professional day is measured by how much they get done. As a result, they speed through the day and slow down their improvement rate.The five-hour rule flips the equation by focusing on learning first.

To see the implication of this, let's look at a sales call (note: replace «sales call» with any activity you do repeatedly).

Most professionals do a little research before the call, have the call, and then save their notes and move on.

Somebody with a learning focus would think through which skill to practice on the call, practice it on the call, and then reflect on the lessons learned. If that person really wanted an extra level of learning, he or she would invite a colleague on the call and have the colleague provide honest feedback afterward.

Embracing a learning lifestyle means that every time we make a sales call, we get better at doing sales calls. Focusing on learning un-automates our behaviors so we can keep improving them rather than plateauing. Every event is an opportunity to improve.

By focusing on learning as a lifestyle, we get so much more done over the long term.

So, are you ready to embrace the five-hour rule?
 

How about reading a book a week to get started? Even though he's the richest man in the world and could afford to hire an army of teachers and consultants, Bill Gates still reads a book a week. In a 2016 New York Times interview, he said, «Reading is still the main way that I both learn new things and test my understanding.

«Want to read the most-recommended books by top leaders Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Sheryl Sandberg, and Elon Musk? Here's our report on the six highly recommended books you should read, along with 460-plus of their other book recommendations.

Thanks to Shizuka Ebata for being an integral part of putting this article together.

Published on: Jun 20, 2016

The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

Source: https://www.inc.com/empact/why-constant-learners-all-embrace-the-5-hour-rule.html

Рубрики
Mindful Living

Zen Buddhism Explains Why Attachments Lead to Suffering (and What You Can Do About it)

Avoiding Attachment: Buddhist Teachings on Letting Go

Zen Buddhism Explains Why Attachments Lead to Suffering (and What You Can Do About it)

The principle of non-attachment is key to understanding and practicing Buddhism, but so many concepts in this religious philosophy, it can confuse and even discourage newcomers.

Such a reaction is common among people, especially in the West, as they begin to explore Buddhism. If this philosophy is supposed to be about joy, they wonder, then why does it spend so much time saying that life is full of suffering (dukkha), that non-attachment is a goal, and that a recognition of emptiness (shunyata) is a step toward enlightenment?

Buddhism is indeed a philosophy of joy. One reason for the confusion among newcomers is the fact that Buddhist concepts originated in the Sanskrit language, whose words are not always easily translated into English. Another is the fact that the personal frame of reference for Westerners is much, much different from that of Eastern cultures.

  • The Four Noble Truths are the foundation of Buddhism. They were delivered by the Buddha as a path towards nirvana, a permanent state of joy.
  • Although the Noble Truths state that life is suffering and attachment is one of the causes of that suffering, these words are not accurate translations of the original Sanskrit terms.
  • The word dukkha would be better translated as «unsatisfactoriness,» instead of suffering.
  • There is no exact translation of the word upadana, which is referred to as attachment. The concept emphasizes that the desire to attach to things is problematic, not that one must give up everything that is loved.
  • Relinquishing the delusion and ignorance that fuel the need for attachment can help end the suffering. This is accomplished through the Noble Eightfold Path.

To understand the concept of non-attachment, you'll need to understand its place within the overall structure of Buddhist philosophy and practice. The basic premises of Buddhism are known as the Four Noble Truths. 

The Buddha taught that life as we currently know it is full of suffering, the closest English translation of the word dukkha. This word has many connotations, including “unsatisfactoriness,” which is perhaps an even better translation than «suffering.

» To say that life is suffering in a Buddhist sense is to say that wherever we go, we are followed by a vague feeling that things are not entirely satisfactory, not quite right.

The recognition of this dissatisfaction is what Buddhists call the First Noble Truth.

It is possible to know the reason for this suffering or dissatisfaction, though, and it comes from three sources. First, we are dissatisfied because we don’t really understand the true nature of things.

This confusion (avidya) is most often translated as ignorance, and its principle feature is that we aren’t aware of the interconnectedness of all things. We imagine, for example, that there is a “self” or “I” that exists independently and separately from all other phenomena.

This is perhaps the central misconception identified by Buddhism, and it is responsible for the next two reasons for suffering.

Our reaction to this misunderstanding about our separateness in the world leads to either attachment/clinging or aversion/hatred.

It’s important to know that the Sanskrit word for the first concept, upadana, does not have an exact translation in English; its literal meaning is “fuel,” though it is often translated to mean “attachment.

” Similarly, the Sanskrit word for aversion/hatred, devesha, also does not have a literal English translation. Together, these three problems—ignorance, clinging/attachment, and aversion—are known as the Three Poisons, and the recognition of them constitutes the Second Noble Truth.

The Buddha also taught that it is possible not to suffer. This is central to the joyful optimism of Buddhism—the recognition that a cessation of dukkha is possible.

This is achieved by relinquishing the delusion and ignorance that fuel the attachment/clinging and the aversion/hatred that make life so unsatisfying.

The cessation of that suffering has a name that is quite well known to almost everyone: nirvana.

Finally, the Buddha taught a series of practical rules and methods for moving from a condition of ignorance/attachment/aversion (dukkha) to a permanent state of joy/satisfaction (nirvana). Among the methods is the famous Eight-Fold Path, a set of practical recommendations for living, designed to move practitioners along the route to nirvana.

Non-attachment, then, is really an antidote to the attachment/clinging problem described in the Second Noble Truth. If attachment/clinging is a condition of finding life unsatisfactory, it stands to reason that non-attachment is a condition conducive to satisfaction with life, a condition of nirvana.

It is important to note, though, that the Buddhist advice is not to detach from the people in your life or from your experiences, but rather to simply recognize the non-attachment that is inherent to begin with. This is a rather key difference between Buddhist and other religious philosophies.

While other religions seek to achieve some state of grace through hard work and active repudiation, Buddhism teaches that we are inherently joyful and that it is simply a matter of surrendering and relinquishing our misguided habits and preconceptions so that we can experience the essential Buddahood that is within us all.

When we reject the illusion that we have a “self” that exists separately and independently from other people and phenomena, we suddenly recognize that there is no need to detach, because we have always been interconnected with all things at all times.

Zen teacher John Daido Loori says that non-attachment should be understood as unity with all things:

«[A]ccording to the Buddhist point of view, non-attachment is exactly the opposite of separation. You need two things in order to have attachment: the thing you’re attaching to, and the person who’s attaching. In non-attachment, on the other hand, there’s unity. There’s unity because there’s nothing to attach to. If you have unified with the whole universe, there’s nothing outside of you, so the notion of attachment becomes absurd. Who will attach to what?»

To live in non-attachment means that we recognize there was never anything to attach or cling to in the first place. And for those who can truly recognize this, it is indeed a state of joyfulness.

Source: https://www.learnreligions.com/why-do-buddhists-avoid-attachment-449714

Why You Need to Let Go of Attachment

Zen Buddhism Explains Why Attachments Lead to Suffering (and What You Can Do About it)
January 7, 2016 5 min read This story originally appeared on Lewis Howes

“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.” 
— Eckhart Tolle

Letting go is a courageous act of surrender.

No matter who you are, you can lose your home, your job, your business, your family, your investments, your spouse, children, your health…everything and anything can be lost by anyone in any moment.

Human life has a lowest common denominator and we are all subject to it — the greatest equalizer on Earth is the fact that our time here in this body is limited.

We go about most of our days with a schedule and a plan and the rhythm of our life is steady, predictable. Most of us seek stability in our relationships, finances, and the other foundations of our existence.

Sometimes life is so steady that we may start to believe we have it all together and that other people don’t.

But then something happens to disrupt our illusion of security and privilege and we are once again reminded of the great mystery that this life is.

This is why I am such a huge fan of practicing gratitude. So that I may never take any of this for granted.

When you let go of something you are holding onto, you make room for your destiny to move in.

When you let go, you must have faith.

Have faith in the process, trust that you are going to a place you are meant for, a place that might not make sense now but will make plenty of sense later. You will see that because this happened, that happened. And the order of it all, no matter how painful or beautiful, was exactly what it needed to be.

The opposite of letting go is holding on–also known as attachment. Many of us get love confused with attachment.

Yasmin Mogahed said, “Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you because you’re empty. It is about what you can give others because you’re already full.”

Love and fear cannot coexist.

When we are fully present, we cannot be attached to the future outcome or the past reality.

Full presence is true love.

Attachment has to do with thinking in the future and past. Love is in the here and now.

Attachment is having expectations. Love is gratitude for this moment together.

We attach to people because we fear that they are going to leave, they will get sick and die one day and we will be left alone.

We are attached to our job because we fear that if we lose it, we won’t be able to support ourselves and our family.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have your family healthy and alive; there is nothing wrong in wanting to keep your job in order to support your family.

But the key is to accept that it can all come to an end at any time.

This is the difference between love and attachment.

Love your friends, love your family, love your job, your house, your life, but don’t get attached.

Love and let go simultaneously.

Cherish what you have in every moment.

Pain is temporary and suffering is optional. Suffering comes from the story that you make up about the pain.

This old zen parable retold in the children’s book Zen Shorts by Jon J. Muth speaks to the ways that we hold onto our attachments:

Two traveling monks reached a town where there was a young woman waiting to step her sedan chair. The rains had made deep puddles and she couldn’t step across without spoiling her silken robes. She stood there, looking very cross and impatient. She was scolding her attendants. They had nowhere to place the packages they held for her, so they couldn’t help her across the puddle.

The younger monk noticed the woman, said nothing, and walked by. The older monk quickly picked her up and put her on his back, transported her across the water, and put her down on the other side. She didn’t thank the older monk, she just shoved him the way and departed.

As they continued on their way, the young monk was brooding and preoccupied. After several hours, unable to hold his silence, he spoke out.

“That woman back there was very selfish and rude, but you picked her up on your back and carried her! Then she didn’t even thank you!

“I set the woman down hours ago,” the older monk replied. “Why are you still carrying her?”

What are you carrying that you could have laid down long ago?

When will you decide to let go and truly live in the moment?

Let go and let good things flow to you and through you.

As Buddha said, “In the end only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” 

Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher Radio or TuneIn

Source: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/254541

Рубрики
Eastern Philosophy

Why Zen and Taoist Masters Recommend Against Saying I Love You

7 More Zen Stories to Give You a Glimpse of Enlightenment

Why Zen and Taoist Masters Recommend Against Saying I Love You

A few months ago, we shared 7 illuminating Zen stories to nudge you toward a lighter state of being. And now we’ve returned with 7 more of the cryptic little tales. 

Remember: Zen stories are the ancient words and deeds of Zen masters, which have been passed through the ages, crossing the dynasties and cultures of forgotten peoples, originating with the Buddha himself.

The stories tend to be humorous, paradoxical, multi-layered, enigmatic, and written in a kind of rascally spirit. They’re tantalizing riddles that are sure to puzzle and captivate most anyone.

To practice Zen is to practice gentle acceptance — to observe ourselves and our world with a certain detachment and sense of humor, judging nothing, resisting nothing, allowing everything to be precisely what it is. Through Zazen meditation, we can enhance our ability to practice this gentle acceptance.

Practicing Zen can help us to discover greater serenity and equanimity, perceive the simple wonders of our day-to-day lives, embrace the ceaseless ebb and flow of mental states, and gain a distinct tendency to never take life all that seriously. 

Savor these 7 parables that point to a wiser, more liberated existence.

For more Zen stories, we recommend One Hand Clapping: Zen Stories for All Ages, a beautiful collection of Zen fables, simplified so as to be accessible for Zen students of all ages

For more on Zen, I recommend checking out any of these 8 books on Zen and its close cousin Taoism,  this essay on Aeon, this introduction to Zen, and the website The Daily Zen.

Thanks to The Daily Zen for passing on the stories shared in this post.

Source: https://highexistence.com/7-more-zen-stories-to-give-you-a-glimpse-of-enlightenment/

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Self Improvement

Why strong women are happy going without makeup

Bare-faced beauty: meet the women who go make-up free every day

Why strong women are happy going without makeup

Gill in her usual mode, free of make-up

Gill Hoffs is a 35-year-old writer and mother from Warrington. It's been about 20 years since she properly wore make-up.

There wasn't a defining moment where I realised I didn't have to wear make-up to still feel me, it wasn't a single conscious decision or some kind of watershed moment or idealistic awakening. Other people might see me as lazy but I think of myself as differently efficient.

Why waste however many days a year smearing something on and off your skin and applying heat to your hair and clothing if you would rather spend that time following your passion or at least having fun? I went through a brief phase of wearing mascara and lilac eyeshadow daily as a teenager, but apart from that it's just never been something I often wear.

There's nothing hard about not wearing make-up — I'd find it way more problematic, a boring and (to me) pointless chore, to have to apply, then later on remove, make-up every day.

And make sure I had the 'right' products on if it was hot or it rained. And that my favourites weren't discontinued or changed. And to be careful I didn't absent-mindedly rub my eyes and smear mascara all over my face.

None of that appeals to me.

I think my skin is probably better for being exposed to fresh air, my bathroom is less cluttered than it would be with lots of cosmetics lying about (ditto my bag), and it saves a lot of money considering that the eyeshadow I bought when I was about 13, the blusher I purchased in 2001, and the concealer and lipstick I got for an important job interview in 2003 are still on the go.

My daily routine takes a couple of minutes at most. It consists of a pee, washing my hands with soap and my face with water, a squirt of deodorant, and a quick brush of my teeth.

I suspect if I were to apply foundation, concealer, blusher, mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow, and do something with my hair then I'd be spending an additional half hour a day on something I really don't care about.

And that's before I even start taking into account shopping for it, removing it, or looking for mirrors or reflective surfaces while I'm out. I cut and dye my own hair, refuse to iron anything, ever, and nothing has ever gone wrong for me because of it.

I'm quite obsessive about using lipbalm. I have at least one chapstick or pot on or with me at all times, but it's not for prettification purposes, it's because my lips crack and bleed without it.

If I get dry patches on my face, especially in winter, I find Boots Protect & Perfect Serum really is perfect as it moisturizes my skin without making my skin break out.

I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) so I tend to have a couple of spots at any one time and most moisturizers make them worse, but after watching The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off, the documentary on the man with EB (Epidermolysis Bullosa) who died of skin cancer, I'm particularly aware of how privileged I am to have healthy, functioning skin.

Source: https://www.stylist.co.uk/beauty/bare-faced-beauty-the-women-who-wear-no-make-up/135066

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Mindful Living

Why equality may not be working out for married couples

4 Signs Your Relationship is Inequality

Why equality may not be working out for married couples
 Written by Writer’s Corps member Stephanie Perez 

We’ve probably all found ourselves humming along to the lyrics from Julia Michaels’ song “Issues” last summer. In it, she sings, “I’m jealous, I’m overzealous. When I’m down, I get really down. I get angry, baby, believe me. I could love you just that. And I could leave you just this fast.”

As catchy and popular as this song became, the type of relationship it describes is one power and control instead of equality and respect.

 But, what does it mean to have an equal relationship? Equality in a relationship means that each person’s interests and desires are respected and met to a reasonable degree as opposed to just one partner’s needs dominating the relationship. Inequality in a relationship refers to an imbalance of power between partners.

In an unhealthy relationship one partner “maintains power and control over the other.” If your partner’s needs dominate the relationship without much consideration for your own then the relationship is unequal.

Sounds simple enough. Still, some of the most common relationship problems stem from inequality within the relationship. Think about it.

Do you always have to do the housework? Are you expected to pay for every meal in order to earn your partner’s affection? If unintentional, these behaviors do not necessarily mean your partner is abusive, it just means your relationship is unequal.

Left unchecked, inequality in a relationship can lead to resentment and other controlling tactics over time. 

1. They Make All Of The Decisions

We’re all for asserting your needs in a relationship because in some cases, when you’re feeling sick, your needs should come first.

However, you ly will not be the only one deciding where you and your SO will go out for lunch every week. Healthy relationships are mutual respect and working toward the needs of both partners.

If you aren’t sure whether you are dominating the decision making in your relationship, ask yourself these questions:

  • Do I (does my partner) always decide what we’ll do on the weekend?
  •  Do I (does my partner) decide which friends we’ll hang out with and not give a second thought to their (my) preferences?
  • Do I (does my partner) always decide when sex happens?
  • Do I (does my partner) decide who will do the housework?

If you answered yes to the questions above, then it may be time to start a conversation with your partner about the inequality in your relationship. An excellent way to teach yourself or your partner to split the decision making in your relationship is with a D.

I.Y. project. D.I.Y. projects can become an excellent exercise in compromise if you and your partner approach the project mindfully. Not only do you get to learn more about your SO in a relaxed environment but you can make it a point to make decisions together.

2. One Partner Refuses to Compromise When You Disagree

It’s totally normal to disagree sometimes and is not automatically a sign that you aren’t right for each other. The key here is to work towards a solution that is acceptable to both partners.

To do this, each partner has to be willing to make compromises, instead of competing with the other person’s needs. There will be times that you both have to agree to disagree.

Making compromises and knowing that it is ok to disagree (respectfully), will contribute to a more balanced relationship where both partners feel comfortable. The next time you and your partner disagree and your partner refuses to compromise, let them know how it makes you feel.

The bottom line is no one’s opinion is more important than the other and if your partner continues this unhealthy behavior, it may be time to consider leaving the relationship. 

3. One Partner Is Expected to Pay for Everything

In an equal relationship, both partners should be willing to split or alternate the cost of dates.

 It’s totally fine if one partner insists on paying for most things, however, they should not feel that this is to be expected of them in order to earn your affection.

If your partner is uncomfortable paying for every date and you continue to expect them too then it’s time for you to reevaluate your behavior. 

4. One Partner Always Has To Have The Last Word

In an equal relationship, when conflict does arise each partner should feel the freedom to express themselves without feeling dominated by the other. Instead of shutting your partner down when they are voicing their opinion, take it as an opportunity to get to know them better.

The goal is not to win an argument, but to gain a mutual understanding of the issue you are both facing.

And if you feel that you cannot disagree with your partner without facing severe criticism or fear of being met with an angry response than it may be time to walk away from the relationship.

Everyone Deserves a Healthy Relationship 

Equality does not mean uniformity, rather it means that you both give each other the freedom to be who you are, while you grow together. Ultimately, you and your partner will have to define what “equality” will look for your relationship.  So, it is important that each of you feel the freedom to communicate regularly about the balance in your relationship.

 Understanding the difference between a relationship built on mutual respect vs. control, and learning more about how to create equality in a relationship will help you and your partner build a healthier relationship together.  And, if you’re getting to know someone that’s got “issues”, maybe it’s best to let them work those out on their own.

You deserve to be in a healthy relationship that lets you be free to be yourself.

Source: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/4-signs-your-relationship-is-based-on-inequality/

Рубрики
Mindful Living

Zen Buddhism Explains Why Attachments Lead to Suffering (and What You Can Do About it)

Why You Need to Let Go of Attachment

Zen Buddhism Explains Why Attachments Lead to Suffering (and What You Can Do About it)
January 7, 2016 5 min read This story originally appeared on Lewis Howes

“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.” 
— Eckhart Tolle

Letting go is a courageous act of surrender.

No matter who you are, you can lose your home, your job, your business, your family, your investments, your spouse, children, your health…everything and anything can be lost by anyone in any moment.

Human life has a lowest common denominator and we are all subject to it — the greatest equalizer on Earth is the fact that our time here in this body is limited.

We go about most of our days with a schedule and a plan and the rhythm of our life is steady, predictable. Most of us seek stability in our relationships, finances, and the other foundations of our existence.

Sometimes life is so steady that we may start to believe we have it all together and that other people don’t.

But then something happens to disrupt our illusion of security and privilege and we are once again reminded of the great mystery that this life is.

This is why I am such a huge fan of practicing gratitude. So that I may never take any of this for granted.

When you let go of something you are holding onto, you make room for your destiny to move in.

When you let go, you must have faith.

Have faith in the process, trust that you are going to a place you are meant for, a place that might not make sense now but will make plenty of sense later. You will see that because this happened, that happened. And the order of it all, no matter how painful or beautiful, was exactly what it needed to be.

The opposite of letting go is holding on–also known as attachment. Many of us get love confused with attachment.

Yasmin Mogahed said, “Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you because you’re empty. It is about what you can give others because you’re already full.”

Love and fear cannot coexist.

When we are fully present, we cannot be attached to the future outcome or the past reality.

Full presence is true love.

Attachment has to do with thinking in the future and past. Love is in the here and now.

Attachment is having expectations. Love is gratitude for this moment together.

We attach to people because we fear that they are going to leave, they will get sick and die one day and we will be left alone.

We are attached to our job because we fear that if we lose it, we won’t be able to support ourselves and our family.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have your family healthy and alive; there is nothing wrong in wanting to keep your job in order to support your family.

But the key is to accept that it can all come to an end at any time.

This is the difference between love and attachment.

Love your friends, love your family, love your job, your house, your life, but don’t get attached.

Love and let go simultaneously.

Cherish what you have in every moment.

Pain is temporary and suffering is optional. Suffering comes from the story that you make up about the pain.

This old zen parable retold in the children’s book Zen Shorts by Jon J. Muth speaks to the ways that we hold onto our attachments:

Two traveling monks reached a town where there was a young woman waiting to step her sedan chair. The rains had made deep puddles and she couldn’t step across without spoiling her silken robes. She stood there, looking very cross and impatient. She was scolding her attendants. They had nowhere to place the packages they held for her, so they couldn’t help her across the puddle.

The younger monk noticed the woman, said nothing, and walked by. The older monk quickly picked her up and put her on his back, transported her across the water, and put her down on the other side. She didn’t thank the older monk, she just shoved him the way and departed.

As they continued on their way, the young monk was brooding and preoccupied. After several hours, unable to hold his silence, he spoke out.

“That woman back there was very selfish and rude, but you picked her up on your back and carried her! Then she didn’t even thank you!

“I set the woman down hours ago,” the older monk replied. “Why are you still carrying her?”

What are you carrying that you could have laid down long ago?

When will you decide to let go and truly live in the moment?

Let go and let good things flow to you and through you.

As Buddha said, “In the end only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” 

Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher Radio or TuneIn

Source: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/254541

The Zen Habits Guide to Letting Go of Attachments

Zen Buddhism Explains Why Attachments Lead to Suffering (and What You Can Do About it)

I’ve been finding more and more that the Buddha had it right: pretty much all of our struggles, from frustrations to anxiety, from anger to sadness, from grief to worry, all stem from the same thing …

The struggles come from being too tightly attached to something.

When we’re worried, we are tightly attached to how we want things to be, rather than relaxing into accepting whatever might happen when we put forth our best effort.

When we’re frustrated with someone, it’s because we’re attached to how we want them to be, rather than accepting them as the wonderful flawed human they are.

When we procrastinate, we are attached to things being easy and comfortable ( distractions) rather than accepting that to do something important, we have to push into discomfort. And so on.

OK, if you’re ready to accept that being too attached, clinging too tightly, is the cause of our struggles … then the answer is simple, right? Just loosen the attachments. Just let go.

Easier said than done. Any of us who have tried to let go of attachments knows that it’s not so easy in practice. When our minds are clinging tightly, we don’t want to let go. We really, really want things our way.

So what’s the answer, then? In this short guide, we’ll look at a few practices to help with this.

Letting Go Practices

We can help dissolve these attachments with a few different practices:

  1. Meditation. Meditation is simply sitting still and trying to pay attention to the present moment — whether that’s your breath, your body, or what’s around you right now. What you’ll find is that your mind runs away from the present moment, attaching to worries about the future, planning, remembering things in the past. In meditation, you practice letting go of these mini attachments, by noticing what your mind is doing and letting go, returning to the present moment. This happens again and again, and so you get good at it. It’s muscle memory after doing it hundreds, thousands of times. You learn that whatever you were attached to is simply a story, a narrative, a dream. It’s not so heavy, just a bit of cloud that can be blown away by a breeze.
  2. Compassion. In this meditation, you wish for an end to your suffering, or an end to the suffering of others. What happens is that this wish transforms you from being stuck in your attachment, to finding a warm heart to melt the attachment and find a way to ease it. You become bigger than your story, when you wish for your own suffering to end. And when you wish for others’ suffering to end, you connect yourself to them, see that your suffering is the same as theirs, understand that you’re in this together. What happens is that your attachments and story become less important, not such a big deal, as you connect with others in this way.
  3. Interdependence. Try meditating not only on the wish for the suffering of others (and yourself) to end, but for others to be happy. All others, whether you them or not. Again, through doing this, you start to see that you’re all connected in your suffering, and in your desire to be happy. You are not so separate from them. You’re not separate, but interdependence. This connection with others helps you to be less attached and more at ease with life.
  4. Accepting. At the heart of things, attachment is about not wanting things to be the way they are. You want something different. That’s because there’s something about the present moment, about the person in front of you, about yourself, that you don’t . By meditating, practicing compassion and interdependence, you can start to trust that things are OK just as they are. They might not be “ideal,” but they are just fine. Beautiful even. And you start to become more aware of your continual rejection of the present moment, and open up to the actuality of this moment instead. Over and over, this is the practice, opening and investigating the moment with curiosity, accepting it as it is.
  5. Expansiveness. All of these practices result in a more expansive mind, that is not so narrowly focused on its little story of how things should be, not so focused on its small desires and aversions, but can see those as part of a bigger picture. The mind can hold these little desires, and much more. It’s a wide open space, a deep blue ocean or dreamy blue sky, and the little attachments are just a part of it, but it can also see the suffering of others and their attachments, it can see the present moment in all its flawed glorious beauty, and be present with all of this at once. Practice this expansiveness right now.

The Zen Habits Method

The way to deal with attachments isn’t simple, and it takes practice.

Meditate daily, focusing on the breath for a couple of minutes every morning. See your suffering and your story and attachments, as you meditate. See this after meditation as well.

After a few weeks, add compassion meditation. Wish for your suffering to end, then expand it to others in your life, then to all living beings.

Learn to see your interconnectedness with others, and practice acceptance of the present moment exactly as it is, in little doses. Small steps. Practice expanding your mind to include these things and all other things in the present moment.

Then, when a difficult attachment arises in your daily life, see the suffering, see the attachment, and expand your mind beyond it, giving yourself compassion while seeing that you are bigger than this attachment. Let it be there a little cloud, floating around in the wide expanse of your mind, and then lightly let it float away, rather than sinking yourself into it.

With practice, this method can result in contentment with the present, awesome relationships, and less procrastination and distraction.

Mindfulness for Beginner’s ebook

If you’d help with mindfulness, check out my new Zen Habits Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness short ebook.

Source: https://zenhabits.net/attachments/

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Mindful Living

Why fasting and exercise may help you live a longer life

Want to live longer? NIA study links fasting to longevity

Why fasting and exercise may help you live a longer life
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Intermittent fasting is a diet cycling between regular periods of eating and fasting, and has been linked to lower risks of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and aging. Watch the video to get a nutritionist's take on the best way to go about it.

People have been fasting for years to lose weight, but what if we told you that the longer you fast, the longer you can live?

The idea may be hard to stomach, but a new study by the National Institute on Aging (NIA) suggests that intermittent fasting could be the key to longevity. 

A group of scientists from the NIA, the University of Wisconsin-Madison and the Pennington Biomedical Research Center in Louisiana found that increasing time between meals improved the overall health of male miceand lengthened their lives compared to mice that ate more frequently. Perhaps even more surprisingly, the health benefits were seen regardless of what the mice ate or how many calories they consumed.

“This study showed that mice who ate one meal per day, and thus had the longest fasting period, seemed to have a longer lifespan and better outcomes for common age-related liver disease and metabolic disorders,” said NIA Director Richard Hodes, M.D.

He said that the «intriguing results» in the animal model deserve a closer look.

What could be learned?

The researchers suggest that the findings could translate into longer, healthier lives for people.

More: Universities increasingly cater to students' diets with customizable menus

More: 1.4 billion people aren’t exercising, WHO reveals. Here’s why that’s a big problem

More: Study: Four five adults are at risk of early death

«Prolonged, daily fasting times could help improve health and survival for humans,» said the study’s lead author, Rafael de Cabo, Ph.D. «But scientists are working to find out how long you need to fast every day to see some of the benefits seen in the animals. That's the next big question to answer.» 

To reach their conclusion, the experts studied 292 mice, separating them into two groups and closely monitoring the rodents' diet. One batch was fed a low-fat and naturally-sourced diet. The other group's diet was higher in protein and fiber.

Each of the two groups was then split into three sub-groups – one with access to food 24 hours a day and another with 30 percent fewer calories per day. The third group only had access to food once per day.

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Belly fat is the worst fat. New research explains why the type of fat around your belly can cause health problems. Buzz60's Elizabeth Keatinge has more.

The results?

«We think what's going on is when you stop eating for X-number of hours, your metabolism goes into standby mode. Your body fixes and removes all the garbage during this time,» de Cabo said. «When the next feeding comes, you are better prepared for the energy you're about to consume.”

He said that when continuously eating, or snacking periodically throughout the day, your metabolism doesn’t have time to readjust or rest.

The scientist also said that there were no obvious negative side effects to the rodent fasting and that the mice who chowed down once a day lived up to 40 percent longer than the ones that had access to food around the clock.

According to de Cabo, the next steps for this research include expanding these findings to other strains of mice and other lab animal species using both sexes to identify the exact translation in humans. 

If previous studies are any indication, the prognosis could be good. 

A 2015 study by the Longevity Institute, also conducted with mice, found four days of a diet that mimicked fasting extended lifespans, lowered visceral fat, reduced cancer incidence and rejuvenated the immune system. The study later saw similar reductions in disease risk factors in humans.

What seems to be the fasting sweet spot? Experts say somewhere around 12 hours a day for at least five days straight can to be beneficial.

«There are ways to fast that don’t have negative associations, yet,» said Valter Longo, director of the Longevity Institute at the University of Southern California. «Going 12 hours a day without food is associated with health benefits.»

However, Longo, author of «The Longevity Diet,» warns that fasting should only be done on what he calls a «need-to-do-it basis.»

«If you have the perfect body weight and exercise daily, maybe just do one or two fasts per year,» Longo said. «However most people don't. So, fasting at least three times a year is a good idea.» 

I was referring to fasting mimicking diets lasting 5 days. Keep in mind these have between 800 and 1100 calories so they are not water fasts 

Follow Dalvin Brown on , @Dalvin_Brown

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If you’ ve been eating and drinking through life with a ‘you only live once’ mentality, listen up. Susana Victoria Perez has more.

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Source: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/09/06/fasting-may-more-important-than-what-youre-eating-study-suggests/1206269002/

Intermittent Fasting May Help You Live Longer and Fight Diseases, Study Says

Why fasting and exercise may help you live a longer life

Researchers have found surprising new health benefits to intermittent fasting.

In a paper published on Christmas Day in the New England Journal of Medicine, researchers suggest that intermittent fasting can help people combat obesity, diabetes, heart disease, cancer and neurologic disorders, according to Today. The diet typically requires a person to eat within a small time frame, usually about six to eight hours, before fasting the rest of the day.

By turning on the “metabolic switch,” the body turns fat into energy while preserving muscle mass and function.

“The evidence is accumulating that this metabolic switch triggers a lot of signaling pathways in cells and various organs that improve their stress resistance and resilience,” adjunct professor Mark Mattson of Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, one of the study’s authors, told the outlet.

“If you eat three meals a day plus snacks spaced out… you may never have that metabolic switch occurring,” added Mattson, who has practiced intermittent fasting for nearly three decades.

According to the paper, Mattson and his co-authors believe intermittent fasting keeps the body from producing free radicals, which are unstable atoms that can damage cells and cause illness and aging. It can also regulate blood sugar.

“We’re adapted through millions of years of evolution to respond to reduced food availability in ways that one, enable us to get food, but two, increase our ability to resist various types of environmental stress,” Mattson said.

RELATED: Jorge Cruise Insists Intermittent Fasting Is ‘Better Than Keto’ — and Achieves the Same Results

Many celebrities have participated in the regimen in recent years.

The Morning Show star Jennifer Aniston revealed in October that she doesn’t eat for 16 hours the day.

“I do intermittent fasting, so there’s no food in the morning,” she told U.K. outlet Radio Times. “I noticed a big difference in going without solid food for 16 hours.”

“Today, I woke up and had a celery juice,” she said. “Then I started to brew some coffee, but I don’t drink coffee that early.”

RELATED VIDEO: Hoda Kotb and Jenna Bush Hager Start Intermittent Fasting: ‘I Was Mad After Our Weigh-In’

Mattson said previous studies have found that intermittent fasting may trigger something in the body that was adapted from our ancestors, who had to survive without food for long periods of time. He hopes his research can help the diet be taken more seriously in the coming years.

“We are at a transition point,” Mattson wrote, according to Newsweek, “where we could soon consider adding information about intermittent fasting to medical school curricula alongside standard advice about healthy diets and exercise.”

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Source: https://people.com/health/intermittent-fasting-help-fight-disease-live-longer/

Intermittent fasting may help you live longer and improve health

Why fasting and exercise may help you live a longer life

Published: 04:35 GMT, 27 December 2019 | Updated: 13:38 GMT, 27 December 2019

A new study has revealed that intermittent fasting may help you live longer and improve your overall health. 

While many fad diets, such as keto, have been proven unsustainable or even, in some cases, harmful, intermittent fasting has by and large held up to scientific testing. 

Intermittent fasting diets, fall generally into two categories: daily time-restricted feeding, which narrows eating times to 6-8 hours per day, and the so-called 5:2 intermittent fasting, in which people limit themselves to one moderate-sized meal two days each week.  

According to a recent study published in The New England Journal of Medicine, the benefits of intermittent fasting includes improvements in 'glucose regulation, blood pressure, and heart rate'.

In the study, Johns Hopkins University neuroscientist Dr Mark Mattson writes that intermittent fasting may be able to help many health conditions obesity, diabetes, mellitus, cardiovascular disease and cancers. 

A new study has revealed that intermittent fasting may help you live longer and improve your overall health. While many fad diets, keto, have been proven unsustainable or even, in some cases, harmful, intermittent fasting has by and large held up to scientific testing

For example, the American Heart Association estimates that 47 million people in the US have metabolic syndrome, a network of symptoms that often precedes diabetes. 

About a third of US adults at least three of five risk factors that make up metabolic syndrome: high blood sugar, high blood pressure, high triglyceride levels, low levels of 'good,' HDL cholesterol and abdominal obesity. 

About 85 per cent of people who have this network of symptoms also have type 2 diabetes. 

Those with both conditions are at far greater risk of developing heart disease or suffering strokes as well. 

But intermittent fasting could reduce risks of diabetes. Fasting can also increase stress resistance and suppress inflammation, according to the paper. 

Mattson, who has studied the health impact of intermittent fasting for 25 years, and adopted it himself about 20 years ago, writes that 'intermittent fasting could be part of a healthy lifestyle'.

According to Mattson, preliminary studies suggest that intermittent fasting could benefit brain health too. 

Mattson referred to a clinical trial at the University of Toronto in April that found that 220 healthy, non-obese adults who maintained a calorie restricted diet for two years 'showed signs of improved memory in a battery of cognitive tests'. 

In the study, Johns Hopkins University neuroscientist Dr Mark Mattson writes that intermittent fasting may be able to help many health conditions obesity, diabetes, mellitus, cardiovascular disease and cancers

Noting that far more research needs to be done 'to prove any effects of intermittent fasting on learning and memory', Mattson says if that proof is found, the fasting — or a pharmaceutical equivalent that mimics it — 'may offer interventions that can stave off neurodegeneration and dementia'.

'We are at a transition point where we could soon consider adding information about intermittent fasting to medical school curricula alongside standard advice about healthy diets and exercise,' he said.  

Mattson says the new study is intended to help clarify the science and clinical applications of intermittent fasting in ways that may help physicians guide patients who want to try it.

He says that with some guidance and patience, most people can incorporate the fasting regimens into their lives. 

'Patients should be advised that feeling hungry and irritable is common initially and usually passes after two weeks to a month as the body and brain become accustomed to the new habit,' Mattson says. 

Source: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7829437/Intermittent-fasting-help-live-longer-improve-overall-health.html

Daily Exercise Linked to Living Longer

Why fasting and exercise may help you live a longer life

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En español | While you know exercise is good for you — you’ve heard so a million times — newer research on its far-reaching benefits is something anyone in middle age or older truly needs to hear.

The latest evidence is showing that exercise not only strengthens your heart and may trim your waist, but regular physical activity can actually slow the aging process on a cellular level and potentially add years to your life.

Consider this: While federal guidelines now recommend at least 2½ hours every week of moderate intensity exercise (or one hour and 15 minutes of vigorous exercise), Harvard University researchers recently noted that as little as 15 minutes of physical activity a day can boost your life span by three years.

What’s more, a remarkable 2018 JAMA Network Open study found that not exercising increases your risk of premature death more than cardiovascular disease, diabetes and even smoking.

The latest research also gives us our first clues about why physical activity is so important — and it appears that it can actually make your cells biologically younger.

Brigham Young researchers looked at DNA samples of nearly 6,000 adults.

They measured the lengths of study participants’ telomeres, the molecular caps at the end of chromosomes that tend to get shorter with age, and found that people with higher activity levels had longer telomeres than those who were sedentary. In fact, the exercisers had a “biological age” that was about nine years younger.

Another recent study found that men and women in their 70s who exercise regularly have the heart, lung and muscle fitness of healthy people 30 years younger.

“We were shocked,” says Scott Trappe, the director of the Human Performance Laboratory at Ball State University and author of that study. “We assume that as you get older, you become frail and weak.

But just looking at the muscle of older exercisers compared to younger ones, we couldn’t tell who was young and who was old.”

While Trappe’s study focused on men and women who have been exercising for decades, it’s never too late to start. Studies show that even people who start exercising in their 80s and 90s experience health and longevity benefits.

A study just published in the International Journal of Stroke, for instance, showed that those who became fit later in life (ages 40 to 59) cut their risk of a potentially deadly stroke in half, while those who had been fit when younger and became unfit doubled their risk.

For expert tips to help feel your best, get AARP’s monthly Health newsletter

While any type of exercise appears to add to your longevity, here’s what the research shows about how to get the biggest longevity boost from your physical activity:

Find a partner (or a group)

A study published in Mayo Clinic Proceedings indicated that playing a team sport may be better at extending your lifespan than exercising solo. Researchers tracked about 9,000 people for 25 years and found that playing tennis added an average of 9.

7 years to life expectancy, followed by badminton (6.2 years) and soccer (4.7 years). “They are all activities that mandate social interaction in a playful way,” says study coauthor James O’Keefe, a cardiologist at Saint Luke’s Mid America Heart Institute.

“And play is nature’s remedy for stress.” The results also correlate to other research that shows social connections are strongly linked to longevity. Not to mention that if something feels fun, you’re more ly to do it.

If tennis isn’t your thing, O’Keefe says, consider pickleball, a fast-growing racquet sport that blends badminton, tennis and table tennis.

Start small

Don’t have 30 minutes to exercise? A raft of research in recent years reveals that any amount of physical activity — no matter how small — can have major benefits.

“Just getting your heart rate up for a two-minute walk makes a difference in your health,” says Abby King, a researcher at the Stanford Prevention Research Center.

King recommends looking for small daily opportunities to increase your heart rate: Take the stairs instead of the elevator, park farther from the store or take a quick stroll around the block after dinner.

Work up to an hour a day

While any amount of exercise adds to life expectancy, the more you exercise, the greater the benefit — up until about 450 minutes a week, says Alpa Patel, an epidemiologist at the American Cancer Society and coauthor of a study analyzing the link between physical activity and mortality. People who exercise that much — which equates to a little more than an hour a day — have a 37 percent lower risk of premature death compared with those who don’t exercise at all, according to Patel’s study.

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Consider high-intensity intervals

The scientific consensus is that it’s best to include some vigorous activity as part of your exercise regimen.

And the approach that has generated the most excitement when it comes to longevity is called high-intensity interval training, or HITT.

HITT basically involves alternating between very intense spurts of action and exercise at a more leisurely pace during a workout. In studies, HITT has been shown to reverse the signs of aging on a cellular level.   

Get up and walk around

The more time you spend sitting, research shows, the higher your risk of an early death — and that’s true even if you exercise regularly.

A 2017 study that tracked the activity levels of 7,985 adults over age 45 found that those who had the greatest amount of sedentary time had almost double the mortality risk of those who spent less time in a chair. The good news? Taking a break every 30 minutes significantly lowers your risk, according to the study.

Try setting an alarm to remind yourself to get up and walk around every half hour while you’re sitting, or get up and do something during the commercial breaks while you’re watching TV.

Work on your balance

Can you stand on one leg with your eyes closed for more than 10 seconds? One study in the BMJ found that 53-year-old people who had that ability had a lower risk of premature death. Good balance also can help prevent falls.

 Yoga and tai chi both improve your balance, but so can working a few key exercises into your daily life. Try standing on one leg while you hold onto the kitchen counter.

Or steal this idea from Abby King: She stands on one leg every morning while brushing her teeth. 

In the end, of course, what’s important is not just how long you live, but how well — and physical activity is essential for maintaining your overall quality of life as you age, King says.

Older people who exercise are healthier, stronger, sleep better, perform daily tasks more easily and are less ly to experience cognitive decline.

  So if longevity is really important to you, choose a workout you enjoy — and make sure it’s one that you will stick with. 

Source: https://www.aarp.org/health/healthy-living/info-2019/exercise-longevity-wellness-benefits.html

5 ways exercise helps men live longer and better

Why fasting and exercise may help you live a longer life

There is good news for men who want to live longer and healthier. It only takes a few basic lifestyle changes to lower the chances of getting many age-related diseases and increase your chances of staying active and independent. One of the most powerful of these is getting, and staying, physically active. Getting regular exercise can help you:

  1. Have a healthier heart. Regular physical activity raises healthy HDL cholesterol levels and reduces unhealthy LDL cholesterol and triglycerides. It also lowers blood pressure, burns body fat, and lowers blood sugar levels — all of which benefit heart health. The power of exercise to help the heart cannot be understated. Following a heart attack, an exercise-based rehabilitation program can reduce the lihood of dying from heart disease by one-third.
  2. Keep your brain sharp. Exercise helps keep blood vessels throughout the body healthy and helps reduce the risk of stroke. Several studies suggest that exercise might also help ward off Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia.
  3. Control blood sugar levels. Regular physical activity not only helps you maintain a healthy weight, but also boosts sensitivity to insulin and thereby modestly reduces blood sugar levels. This can help people with diabetes better control their disease — and help those at risk for diabetes sidestep this condition. One study found that only two-and-a-half hours of brisk walking a week cut the risk of diabetes by 30%.
  4. Possibly lower cancer risk. Some evidence suggests that regular exercise may reduce the risk of certain cancers. One review found consistent evidence that regular physical activity reduced risk for colon cancer by about 24% in men. Other research suggests that regular exercise may reduce risk of lung cancer by about 20%. There is no proof that exercise lowers the risk of developing prostate cancer — but once a man is diagnosed, physical activity can reduce the chances that it will spread.
  5. Stay strong and mobile. It might surprise you to learn that men also can develop thinning of the bones with age. Regular weight-bearing exercise can help slow this bone loss. Putting weight on your bones — whether by walking, playing football, or lifting weights — stimulates the growth of new bone. Exercise also helps keep joint cartilage healthy. Strong muscles support joints and lighten the load upon them. Exercise may limit and even reverse knee problems by helping to control weight.

For more on how to reduce your health risks from heart disease to dementia, buy A Guide to Men's Health Fifty and Forward by Harvard Medical School.

Disclaimer:
As a service to our readers, Harvard Health Publishing provides access to our library of archived content. Please note the date of last review or update on all articles. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct medical advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.

Source: https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/5-ways-exercise-helps-men-live-longer-and-better

Longer daily fasting times improve health and longevity in mice

Why fasting and exercise may help you live a longer life

Increasing time between meals made male mice healthier overall and live longer compared to mice who ate more frequently, according to a new study published in the Sept. 6, 2018 issue of Cell Metabolism.

Scientists from the National Institute on Aging (NIA) at the National Institutes of Health, the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and the Pennington Biomedical Research Center, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, reported that health and longevity improved with increased fasting time, regardless of what the mice ate or how many calories they consumed.

«This study showed that mice who ate one meal per day, and thus had the longest fasting period, seemed to have a longer lifespan and better outcomes for common age-related liver disease and metabolic disorders,» said NIA Director Richard J. Hodes, M.D. «These intriguing results in an animal model show that the interplay of total caloric intake and the length of feeding and fasting periods deserves a closer look.»

The scientists randomly divided 292 male mice into two diet groups. One group received a naturally sourced diet that was lower in purified sugars and fat, and higher in protein and fiber than the other diet. The mice in each diet group were then divided into three sub-groups how often they had access to food.

The first group of mice had access to food around the clock. A second group of mice was fed 30 percent less calories per day than the first group. The third group was meal fed, getting a single meal that added up to the exact number of calories as the round-the-clock group.

Both the meal-fed and calorie-restricted mice learned to eat quickly when food was available, resulting in longer daily fasting periods for both groups.

The scientists tracked the mice's metabolic health through their lifespans until their natural deaths and examined them post-mortem.

Meal-fed and calorie-restricted mice showed improvements in overall health, as evidenced by delays in common age-related damage to the liver and other organs, and extended longevity.

The calorie-restricted mice also showed significant improvement in fasting glucose and insulin levels compared to the other groups. Interestingly, the researchers found that diet composition had no significant impact on lifespan in the meal fed and calorie restricted groups.

Mice with longer fasting times (green) and shorter times when food was available (red) had better health outcomes and longevity than mice who were allowed to eat around the clock. – Image credit NIA IRP.

According to the study's lead author, Rafael de Cabo, Ph.D., chief of the Translational Gerontology Branch of the NIA Intramural Research Program, scientists have studied the beneficial effects of caloric restriction for more than a century, but the impact of increased fasting times has recently come under closer scrutiny.

«Increasing daily fasting times, without a reduction of calories and regardless of the type of diet consumed, resulted in overall improvements in health and survival in male mice,» said de Cabo. «Perhaps this extended daily fasting period enables repair and maintenance mechanisms that would be absent in a continuous exposure to food.»

The researchers say their findings are encouraging for future studies on how these types of time-restricted eating patterns might help humans to maintain healthy weight and reduce some common age-related metabolic disorders. According to de Cabo, next steps for this research include expanding these findings to other strains of mice and other lab animal species using both sexes, and to find the potential translation of the findings in humans.

More information on what the research shows about calorie restriction and fasting diets in humans is available on our website.

About the National Institute on Aging (NIA): The NIA leads the federal government effort conducting and supporting research on aging and the health and well-being of older people.

The Institute’s broad scientific program seeks to understand the nature of aging and to extend the healthy, active years of life.

For more information on research, aging, and health, go to the NIA website.

About the National Institutes of Health: NIH, the nation's medical research agency, includes 27 institutes and centers and is a component of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

NIH is the primary federal agency conducting and supporting basic, clinical, and translational medical research, and is investigating the causes, treatments, and cures for both common and rare diseases.

For more information about NIH and its programs visit the NIH website.

Source: https://www.nia.nih.gov/news/longer-daily-fasting-times-improve-health-and-longevity-mice